Friday, August 29, 2008

Your Mama Hears...

...from the Mistress of Malee-boo (and confirmed by another very reliable source) that it was two-time Oscar winning and controversial Catholic Mel Gibson who scooped up sex addict actor David Duchovny and his wifey Tea Leoni's Malee-boo mansion that appeared on the market in mid-June with a $12,000,000 asking price and then poof! disappeared like a wisp of smoke in the ocean breeze.

Given that he already owns at least two properties up in Malibu's guard gated Serra Retreat, the liquor loving Aussie and father of seven (seven!) who reportedly raked in an almost unimaginable $210,000,000 in 2004 needs another damn house in Malibu like he needs, well, like he needs to be hanging around Moonshadows.

Property records and reports indicate that the wildly rich Mister Gibson also recently purchased a 400-acre cattle ranch in Costa Rica for a whopping $25,800,000.

But the property maven has also been selling off some of his primo properties. Last year he took in a whopping $28,000,000 when he sold his ocean front mansion and an adjacent lot on Broad Beach Road and he's also had his gigantic Greenwich, CT estate on the market with an asking price of $39,500,000, but we've read and heard through the gossip grapevine (but can not confirm) that it's been sold.

Those are some pretty high numbers, but if you're Mister Gibson, it's all just water under the real estate bridge, right?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Another $70,000,000 Penthouse Hits the Market

A new insanely (and probably unrealistically) priced property has hit the market with a fat $70,000,000 asking price. But children, this time it's not in New York, Palm Beach or Los Angeles, but in Your Mama's old San Francisco stomping grounds.

According the good folks at the San Francisco Chronicle, real estate tycoon Victor MacFarlane has decided to sell his massive and unfinished penthouse located atop the super swank St. Regis Residences San Francisco. The condo-tel project towers over the corner of 3rd and Mission Street right next door to the magnificent Museum of Modern Art and di-rectly across the street from the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts where our good pal Falsetta Knockers sometimes dances and prances for all the well heeled performance art lovers living in Quake City.

Moneybags MacFarlane famously scooped up all three of the (unfinished) pricey penthouse units at the St. Regis back in late 2005 for a reported $30,000,000, which at the time was the highest price ever paid for a condominium in San Francisco. And like so many rich and/or famous types, he's changed his real estate mind just three years later.

Seventy million San Francisco clams with buy some filthy rich biznessman (or woman) a behemoth building topper that sprawls across (approx.) 20,000 square feet, includes four terraces, and features 360 degree views through the aluminum framed windows including the 22-foot high glass openings in the corner living room. If a deep pocketed buyer acts quickly they will be in the advantageous position of being able to choose finishes and day-core.

According to the SF Chronicle, the penthouse is currently scheduled to include an entrance foyer with a winding stair case and a 2-story waterfall (which sounds like a bad idea to Your Mama), six bedrooms, 7 full and 4 power rooms for a total of 11 terlits that we imagine will require at least one full time gurl to keep pristine, four fireplaces, 2 offices, a 13-seat movie thee-ay-ter and home gym with sauna and steam room because no one spending this kind of money for a penthouse wants to pump iron with hotel guests or view a film with all the common people at the AMC Metreon located just a block away.

Although Mister MacFarlane's company, the eponymous MacFarlane Partners, reportedly received a default on a one billion dollar debt and recently laid off 15 employees, his publicist told the S.F. Chron that Mister MacFarlane's decision to unload the penthouse was for lifestyle reasons and not business related. Uh-huh. Okay.

Anyhoo, Your Mama sits slant eyed with cynicism about this whole thing and we thinks we smell a man who might be looking for a little real estate publicity. Given that highest amount of money ever known to be paid for a residence in San Francisco (single family or condo) is $32,000,000, we think Mister MacFarlane's price is a little, well, bloated. But then again, what do we know? Perhaps some Asian potentate or high-tech titan will come along looking for all the free publicity and billionaire back slapping that will come along with purchasing a penthouse for an amount of money equal to the G.D.P. of some small countries.

Photo: Darryl Bush for the San Francisco Chronicle

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Real Estate Tale of the Quarterback and the Supermodel

BUYER: Tom Brady
LOCATION: Chalon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $11,750,000
SIZE: 3.6 acres of dirt

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lest any of the children have forgotten, superstar quarterback Tom Brady and his Brazilian born supermodel gurly friend Giselle Bundchen are super rich. So rich, in fact, that the pulchritudinous pair buy and sell real estate like they're playing with Monopoly money. Which they sorta are when you consider that 31-year old Mister Brady earns well over $6,000,000 a year tossing an oblong ball for the New England Partriots–not to mention millions more in endorsement deals–and 28 year old Miss Bundchen reportedly earned a mind numbing $35,000,000 last year making her the highest paid moe-dell ever. And to think that gorgeous Linda Evangelista used to brag about not getting out of bed for anything less than ten grand. Pfuff!

Anyhoo, the comely couple's latest property acquisition is reported to be a 3.6 acre piece of dirt located in the very expensive guard gated Brentwood Country Estates, which happens to be where governator Arnold Schwarzenegger shacks up when he's not up in Sacramento trying to get the damn budget passed. Your Mama will have more on that prime piece of property later, but first let's have a look-see at some of the good looking and deep pocketed couple's other recent real estate transactions.

Miz Bundchen, a dee-lishusly curvy but still seriously skinny size 2 (okay, maybe she's a 4 when she's bloated) who is probably best known for marching down the Victoria's Secret runway in her skivvies with absurdly giant angel wings strapped to her back, sold her house on Devlin Drive in the hills above Hollywood last year for $3,980,000. Soon after she also changed Noo York City addresses when she decamped from her West 11th Street penthouse triplex to a townhouse in the formerly boho West Village where Miss Mannequin lined up all her Louboutins and Lanvins and had her new boy beau Tom Brady move in too. This was after he dumped his then pregnant baby momma Bridget Moynahan and before Miss Single Mommy responded in kind by giving her boy child her last name and not the Brady surname. Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Meanwhile, back when Mister Brady was still dating that poor Miss Moynahan, he bought an approximately 3,000 square foot apartment in the north tower of the insanely expensive Time Warner Center in order to be closer to a not yet preggers and New York based Miss Moynahan. When he unexpectedly learned he was to be a baby daddy Mister Brady unceremoniously threw Miss With Child over the rail for the hot Brazilian bra model and very quickly put his three bedroom and 3.5 bathroom love nest back on the market with a $16,500,000 asking price. There's a lesson in this sordid brouhaha about the importance and necessity of birth control, but that's really another discussion for another day, isn't it?

Mister Brady had a tough time unloading his 70th floor spread at the Time Warner so he reportedly leased it out to a filthy rich financier at sixty grand. Per month, children, per month. His temporary tenant must have moved out recently because the apartment is back on the market with a new and much higher asking price of $18,290,000. Although it ain't been easy to sell the Time Warner digs, the cleat clad pigskin passer had better luck off loading his high-class condo in the dee-voonly detailed Burrage Mansion located in Boston's Back Bay which he sold in early 2008 $5,285,000.

Unfortunately Miss Bundchen hasn't had such good luck selling her above mentioned triplex penthouse on Manhattan's West 11th Street. First she put the 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom building topper out for lease at $29,000 a month and then slapped it on the market with an absurd and rather insulting asking price of $10,900,000. Without any buyers flocking to scoop up Miss Bundchen's over-priced aerie, the Hudson river view condo was taken off the market. It recently reappeared with a much more believable and far less consternation producing $5,900,000 asking price.

Are the children still with Your Mama because we're fi-nuh-lee getting to the new stuff.

Thanks to several of Your Mama's Boston babies, we learned from the good people at (via gossip juggernaut TMZ), Mister Brady recently forked over $11,000,000 for the last undeveloped and buildable lot in the Brentwood Country Estates where boob toob super producer Kevin Bright (Friends, Joey) owns a 10,000+ square foot house next door to the five acre Schwarzenegger/Shriver spread on a guard gated section of Chalon Road.

According to listing information provided to Your Mama by Our Fairy Godmother in Brentwood, Mister Brady paid $11,750,000 for a 3.6 acre plot of prime Brentwood property that includes a 1.6 acre flat pad and lovely canyon and ocean views. Although TMZ claimed Mister Brady declined the plans for the approved 20,000 square foot mansion because it was not big enough, listing information actually says the approvals are for an 11,500 square foot Mediterranean style home designed by an award winning architect. Not sure why that discrepancy in square footage, but we have a hard time believing that Mister Brady wants a house that's as large as either of those numbers.

Call Your Mama a real estate cynic, but we sniffsan investment and not a new home for Mister Brady and the wildly rich super model. So in two years when there's a brand spanking new and never lived in 14,000 square foot mansion sitting on this lovely lot with and asking price of $22,000,000 or more, the children will recall that we called this one like a damn professional real estate referee. And what if in two years Miss Bundchen is livin' up in Brentwood pushing out baby Bradys? Well children, it would not be the first or last time Your Mama was wrong about the residential machinations of rich and famous folks, would it?

Hamish Linklater Lists His Nest in Eagle Rock

SELLER: Hamish Linklater
LOCATION: Mont Eagle Place, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $675,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: 1958 Traditional sited in prime Eagle Rock hills. Sweeping views, high ceilings, clean lines. Light and airy living room with panoramic mountain views. Large formal dining room offers awesome vista views. Entertainer’s delight. Three spacious bedrooms, 1.5 baths, renovated eat-in kitchen. Character, detail, beautiful hardwood floors throughout. Attached 2-car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Sorry children, but there has been some sort of snafu with the internets this morning so we haven’t had any access to the online all morning. We struggled and dialed and shouted and pleaded. It took 5 hours and two and a half Bloody Marys to be restored. Needless to say, Your Mama is half crocked and it's barely past noon. Anyhoo, enough of our troubles...

Your Mama well understands that most of you probably haven’t got a clue who this Hamish Linklater person is and why his house would be included on our little online endeavor about celebrity real estate. Well, to be honest, Your Mama didn’t know a thimble full about Mister Linklater either when we were first contacted by East Side Edna about his modest and not particularly priddy house in Los Angeles’ Eagle Rock neighborhood which he recently put on the market with an asking price of $675,000.

As soon as we had access, Your Mama consulted the always informative interweb where we learned that thirty-something year old Mister Linklater is an actor–and new daddy–lucky enough to have a regular role on the usually funny and often under-rated Julia Louis Dreyfus driven boob toob program The New Adventures of Old Christine.

For those not intimate with the highways and bi-ways of at the northeastern end of Los Angeles, let Your Mama act as your tour guide. The Eagle Rock neighborhood, once a bit scrubby and some say dangerous, sits north and east of arty farty Silver Lake, south and east of Glendale, north of the somewhat revitalized downtown and southwest of polished Pasadena.

Some folks Your Mama knows appreciate Eagle Rock for its out of the way location, more modest than Silver Lake housing prices and great views. It’s basically a big hill of a ‘hood, after all. Others we fraternize with fear for their luxury automobiles when in the area and some of our snobbiest buddies and biddies think twice before going east of Western Avenue and would never even dream of going to Eagle Rock. Ever.

Anyhoo, Mister Linklater and his wifey Jennifer certainly goes to Eagle Rock and according to property records has been schlepping to his hilltop home since September of 2004 when he and his wifey Jessica purchased their 1,510 square foot house for $515,000.

Listing information for Mister and Missus Linklater’s non-celebrity style house shows it was constructed in 1958 and includes 3 bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms. Other features includes a living room with peaked and beamed ceilings, a dated looking brick fireplace and a skinny red rug that Your Mama is 100% positive would be happier in a hallway somewhere. The dining room is the very definition of ordinary and like the living room has been "decorated" with a rug that is simply too small for the room. Do not even get Your Mama going on the laminate flooring or that tawdry twenty nine dollar Home Despot chandelier. Pleeze. There is not excuse for that shit. Seriously. Someone should have advised Mister and Missus Linklater to get themselves to Ikea where they could have purchased a five dollar paper shade that would have been a major improvement.

Clearly some misguided individual tried to add a little sparkle and panache to the (0ut)dated kitchen with the multi-colored tile back splash. But at the risk of sounding like an asshole (which we recognize we sometimes do), it's a little like putting lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig, children, and to make matters worse it's a pig with a befuddling beige tile floor.

The bathroom tile on the other hand is a lovely shade of tur-qwaze and Your Mama thinks we could probably work with that bit of retro bizness if it's in as good of shape as it appears to be in the photograph. Our online research turned up the information the Mister Linklater is an avid gardener. You certainly wouldn't know it from the easy maintenance and rat friendly ivy covered front yard, but it's clear someone has taken some time to lay out some bark and flagstones in the back yard areas in a thoughtful manneer.

Listen children, Your Mama knows that most of you will skewer this house like it was a dripping chunk of lamb on a shish-kabob, but Your Mama actually thinks that someone with a modest budget and an eye for style could work wonders on this house. Really, we do. Honestly! Your Mama would recommend starting with the kitchen, natch. If the bank account did not allow for a gut reno, we do believe we could make do with with a new floor (beige tile looks like a janitor's closet), some upgraded appliances (believe it or not Sears carries some nice looking mid-priced models), new cabinet hardware (something from Lowe's will suffice), some paint for the cabinets (let's try painting them black for fun) and a trip across town to Wertz Brothers in Santa Monica for a funky, fine and affordable table and chairs where guests can sip Two Buck Chuck from Trader Joe's while the hostess spins out some homemade hummus.

Until we hear di-rectly from Mister Linklater–and we don't expect we will–we can only guess at why he'd sell his unimproved house in a lagging market. But he's recently had a new baby and perhaps the Missus Linklater isn't interested in spending the next two years humping the Bugaboo stroller up and down the full flight of stairs leading to the front door. And maybe, just maybe, the last four years on the boob toob have put a fair number of pennies in his pocket that will allow him to move on to something a little, well, better. Both are good enough reasons for someone to want to move, don't the children agree?

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Well lo and behold, Mister Big Time and Your Mama are mining the same part of town today and he also discussed Mister Linklater's Eagle Rock nest too. But good ol' Big Time also uncovered the $1,362,000 house in Los Feliz are of L.A. that Mister Linklater and his wifey Jessica bought. Bravo Mister Big Time!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tony Romo Settles Down Near Dallas

BUYER: Tony Romo
LOCATION: Dowling Drive, Irving, TX
PRICE: $699,900 (list)
SIZE: 5,551 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: $10,000 to buyer. Stunning contemporary home. White marble floors, beautifully landscaped backyard. Pool and spa and outdoor entertaining area. Huge rooms with soaring ceilings. 6 bedrooms plus study, three fireplaces, Luxurious master bath. Ready to move in?

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh dear jeezis in heaven, say it ain't so. Not only did Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo buy an ass uglee mini-mansion in suburban Dallas, TX, he's reportedly asked his current gurly-friend, the recently down on her singing and acting luck Jessica Simpson, to renovate and decorate the marble floored monstrosity. Whaaaat?

Your Mama will agree that poor Miss Simpson may need to explore some new career options, but based on the dee-pressing day-core that we saw in the Calabasas crib she shared with ex-huzband Nick Lachey, we are not convinced that interior decoration is one of them. But then again, what does Your Mama actually know about anything? Perhaps her design sensibilities have matured after all those years hanging around with her nice gay hairstylist Ken Paves.

Anyhoo, according to the sassy and well connected real estate gossip queen Candy Evans who pens the Dallas Dirt blog, the ball tossing beefcake recently scooped up a 5,551 square foot house on Dowling Drive in a town called Irving. Not being overly familiar with the Dallas/Fort Worth area, Your Mama has to consult the internets to learn that suburban Irving sits smack in between (and a little north of) the sister cities of Dallas and Fort Worth. The house was listed at $699,900 and Miz Evans, a Lonestar ladee who usually gets it right, reports that she hears through the Dallas gossip grapevine that Mister Romo paid, "about $670,000" for his new Dallas area digs.

A quick peruse of online maps and listing information provided to Your Mama by Debbie Dallas, Mister Romo's new residence sits inside the guarded gates of a community that overlooks of the Cottonwood Valley Country Club and includes 6 bedrooms and 4 full and 2 half bathrooms, family friendly numbers Your Mama imagines Jessica Simpson's biological clock finds thrilling.

Listing information also indicates there are 4 separate living areas, 2 dining areas, 3 fireplaces, and a 3-car garage. We presume (and hope) that Mister Romo will have the entire house over hauled before moving a single piece of furniture into the place and he is certainly not responsible for the rather bee-zarre 1980s interiors. However, Your Mama can't help but look and look and look at the photographs of the unusually articulated house the way people on the freeway can't stop themselves from rubbernecking as they slow down to pass a bloody car wreck.

The all white, marble floored and double height entry hall leads into the all white and double height living room which also sports glistening Iraqi palace style marble floors and a cock-eyed view of the backyard swimming pool. The dining room features even more marble flooring and a distressing view of the neighbor's shingle roof which is only pitifully obscured by a pink flowered bush. All of which is only made worse by the floor to ceiling mirror clinging to one wall. Holy cow! Now children, in what era did diners actually wish to watch themselves masticating meat and sucking down red wine?

Into the gleaming and glaring all white and porcelain tile floored kitchen where dark glasses are required in order to make omelets and unload the dishwasher we find a suite of, surprise!, white appliances white counter tops. It should come as no surprise that the adjacent family room is also an all white and tile floored tragedy.

But it's in the master bedroom where the full hideosity of Mister Romo's new nest come to its full and obscene flower. Not only has the floor been covered in glossy and slippery black 12 x 12 inch tiles, for some unknown reason a large black bathtub has been sunk right down into the middle of the damn floor, a potentially perilous and possibly lethal set up about which we would think the building code people would gone ballistic. But alas, there it is in all its dubious glory, the "her" bathroom in Alexis Carrington's master suite.

The back yard does feature a modestly sized swimming pool, but we're concerned that there is not currently enough foliage for Miss Simpson to sunbathe in the buff without being seen and possibly photographed by the horny and hormone soaked teenage boys who live in the 'hood.

The bad news for Mister Romo is that it appears to Your Mama that he will have to spend considerable coin doing over every single inch of this place in the renovation that Miss Simpson will allegedly oversee. The good news is that even a non-designer singer/ack-tress like Jessica Simpson will have a tough time making it any worse.

Now somebody, please, point Your Mama at a celebrity owned house in Dallas or some other Texas town that looks good. We know there are some seriously cultured, educated and design savvy folks living in the Lonestar State who know how to do up their Texas sized mansions and colossal condominiums in a high and enviable style. Or at least they know which nice gay decorator to hire to pay for said style. So bring 'em on.

Mike Piazza's TriBeCa Bullpen on the Block

SELLER: Mike Piazza
LOCATION: Hudson Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $6,800,000
SIZE: 3,012 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Featured in Elle Décor, this large, light-filled duplex was designed for entertaining. With large formal area, three outdoor spaces and easy flow, this loft is the perfect setting for everything from intimate barbecues to large-scale parties. Custom-designed by renowned architects Stas Zakrzewshi and Marianne Hyde, the white and bright space features narrow plank, long length American walnut floors...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows we're a little late to the rodeo on this one since it's already been reported in every New York based celebrity real estate column. However, our fine and foul mouthed friend Fiona Trambeau would julienne Your Mama's fat ass like it was a damn carrot stick if we did not also discuss recently retired professional ball player (and former Met) Mike Piazza's Manhattan doo-plex that recently appeared for sale with an asking price of $6,800,000. (This listing has since disappeared which would seem to indicate it's either listed on the down-low or it's already got a deal.)

Although she will deny it with every shallow Kool Menthol breath she has left in her beleaguered bah-dee, if there is anything that athletics luvin' Miz Trambeau is more obsessed with than balls, it's Mister Mike Piazza's balls. See children, despite his seemingly happy marriage to a priddy Playboy playmate and Baywatch babe named Alicia Rickter who recently pushed a Piazza papoose through her baby maker, Miz Trambeau is one of the many who will not let go of all the lurid rumor and gossip about Mister Piazza's alleged (and denied) predilection for the sexual company of men. We know nuthin' and aren't inferring or insinuating anything, we're just sayin' those rumors are out there and for better or worse, Fiona believes them.

Anyhoo, ever since 2005 when the hard ball catcher filed for free agency and effectively ended his ball playing career with the New York Mets, every baseball fanatic and real estate gossip in Noo York City has been sitting on pins and needles wondering if the well regarded, often gossiped about and much ballyhooed ball player would give up his penthouse real estate stake in the trendy (and extremely expensive) TriBeCa neighborhood.

Property records and recent reports reveal that Mister Piazza purchased his prime penthouse on the 8th and 9th floors of his Hudson street building in November of 2004 for $4,215,874 Records and listing information show the dee-voon doo-plex measures a modest 3,012 square feet. In addition to the 2 big bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, the long and narrow nest includes a living room with a built in media center and fireplace, a too narrow dining room that unfortunately does double duty as the entrance hall, a compact but well equipped stainless steel kitchen that would have our house gurl Svetlana screaming with conniptions, a study/home office that is really nothing more than a wide hallway leading to the first floor bedroom where there is not a solid wall to be found to place an actual bed.

But children, even with all its obvious floor plan flaws Your Mama is giddy and goose pimpled with glee about Mister Piazza's pad. First of all, we recognize that the narrowness of the center section is dictated by the size and shape of the building itself and there's little that can be done with that thin bizness except make sweet lemonade from the building's architectural lemons. Which is, we think, exactly what the clever architects did with Mister Piazza's penthouse. They opened up the ceiling above the dining room space to harness light and give the super slim room some high-drama, they added an impressive but somewhat scary looking glass bridge leading to the largest entertainment terrace that includes a built in barbecue for summer time chillin' and grillin', they very smartly cut away at the back corner of the second floor creating a spectacular and perfectly private garden off the master bedroom and they had the good sense to tuck away and virtually hide the first floor services, which include a pantry, washer and dryer, half bathroom and a wine vault. Although they give Your Mama (and Svetlana) heart palpitations, we're gonna give the difficult to keep fingerprint free stainless steel kitchen a pass because that shiny stuff was all the kitchen design rage when this nearly perfect penthouse was put together in 2004.

A few other features that have Your Mama swooning and hyperventilating with dee-lite are the amazing (and costly) long length American walnut floors, the custom floor to ceiling windows and the peek-aboo opening in the wall opposite the master bathroom shower which allowed Mister Piazza to lather up his nood body in private and still catch a glimpse of the lower Manhattan skyline. Our one concern with the master bedroom is the apparent lack of closet space. However, there does appear to be a stair in the back of the small walk in that leads to somewhere. (Anyone know where?) Your Mama can only hope it leads up to a closet large enough to fit all of Mister Piazza's uniforms and leather chaps. We tease.

Mister and Missus Piazza are in the midst of a real estate whirlwind having recently listed his 3,300 square foot South Beach bachelor pad for $4,900,000 and picked up a more family friendly $10,000,000 Miami mansion which reportedly measures 9,600 square feet with 8 bedrooms and 100 feet of waterfront.

A (Not Very) Blind Item

What best friend battling gossip glossy favorite is spending $1,200,000 of her not very hard earned reality show riches to scoop up a 3 bedroom house of her own in the Hollywood Hills?

Details to come children, but Your Mama already knows that most of you will not care for the house...or the so-called ack-turus.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Turns Out Justin Long Is Bi-Coastal

BUYER: Justin Long
LOCATION: Holly Oak Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,999,000
SIZE: 3,388 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: On a quite cul-de-sac in the prest 'Oaks' former celebr modern Span home desig by "SBY Designs" surrou w/ lushly landscp grnds & canyon vs & city lights. Enter thrg a sumptuous courtyard into the elegant foyer cont to the 2 story LR w/ soaring ceilings and Span tiled firel or enjoy the priv of the loft/FR. The hallway leads to the fom DR w/ Gourmet kitchen w/ top stnls stl appl. 3 ensuite BR which incl the lrg Master BR w/ beam ceil, Span-tiled BA w/ step down roman bath shower and the secluded deck.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama just hates to be left out, so since just about every gossip glossy and celebrity real estate junkie in the country seems to be yakking about ack-tor and Apple computer spokesman Justin Long, Your Mama thought we'd jump on the bandwagon and join the par-tay.

In the immediate aftermath of his public split with thirty three year old Tinseltown titan and Hollywood scion Drew Barrymore, Mister Long was reported to have dropped a good sized wad of his Mac money–the unit was listed at $2,425,000–on a 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom condo in the Blue building, a newly constructed condo complex on Manhattan's once gritty and drug infested now gritty, drug infested and obscenely trendy Lower East Side.

Then, just this last weekend we learned from Mister Big Time that thirty year old Mister Long recently put his house on La Cuesta Drive in the Hollywood Hills on the market for $1,495,000. Your Mama is befuddled and perplexed as to why Mister Long would want to sell his fully renovated 1,334 square foot 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom cutie with its good old fashioned kidney shaped swimming pool since records (and Mister Big Time) reveal he only purchased the place in April of 2007 for $1,400,000. It looks to Your Mama like someone just might loose a little moolah on this transaction.

Anyhoo, all the gossips and snarky scuttlebutts prolly figured Mister Long was packing his bags and heading back to Noo York City to mend his broken heart. But that does not seem to be the case. Thanks to the always well informed Lucy Spillerguts, Your Mama has learned that Mister Long has not given up living in Los Angeles, at least not entirely. See puppies, according to property records, back in May of 2008 the often grinning and kinda goofy Mister Long forked over $1,999,000 to buy a new West Coast crib in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles. It makes sense to Your Mama that he would maintain an outpost in the movie capital of the world given that the in demand thespian has at least seven (yes, seven!) films scheduled to come out between 2008 and 2010. No wonder he can afford multi-million dollar houses on both coasts.

Located on Holly Oak Drive in the gated and quietly glitzy Oaks section of Los Feliz, Mister Long's new nest sits on a quiet and curvy cul-de-sac in the same upscale neck of the woods where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie maintain a three property compound and luvable Flipping Out freako Jeff Lewis is having a bit of trouble unloading his money maker on Valley Oak Drive.

Listing information shows Mister Long's modern Mediterranean style mini-manse measures in at a respectable and modest 3,388 square feet and includes just 3 bedrooms, each, thankfully, with its own private pooper. An additional half bathroom is perfect for guests not liked enough to be asked to spend the night. Other amenities include a courtyard at the front of the property with a built in barbecue, a two story living room, a family room inconveniently located in a loft space, a dining room with a pleasantly peaked ceiling that begs for a different chandelier to be installed and a gore-moy kitchen that looks a little too upscale Lake Tahoe A-Frame ski chalet for Your Mama's personal taste and includes one of those pot rack contraptions that always upsets Your Mama's sensitive design equilibrium to the point of needing to take a nerve pill.

Interestingly, Mister Long appears to have had more outdoor amenities in his previous residence, including a swimming pool and easily accessed grassy areas whereas the rear of his new nest has a rather foreboding and the lawn is only available to those with the musculature wherewithal to deal with a very long and at points perilous flight of stairs. Your Mama could probably do this on a good day, but Your Mama's Mama and Mama Cooter would unfortunately be confined to interior spaces and the small terraces at the rear of the house.

Mister Long's new house sits across the street from a 4,860 square foot house that property records reveal is owned by John Bailey, the man who happens to have been the cinematographer for the not yet released film He's Just Not That Into You, which stars both Justin Long and his ex-gurly gal Drew Barrymore (as well as Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Connelly).

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Michael Bolton Can Live Without "Dalle Acqua"

SELLER: Michael Bolton
LOCATION: Kings Highway North, Westport, CT
PRICE: $11,000,000
SIZE: 9,623 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Spectacular waterfront on sparkling Nash's pond surround this exceptional Tuscan inspired residence and spacious guest house with a private, gated drive leading up to the gracious porte cochere. Enter into the luxurious & grand formal entry with imported Italian marble floors and an abundance of custom, imported hand-carved mahogany wood. The meticulously crafted mill work is carried throughout the home including the screening room, elegant dining room, exceptional chef's kitchen and sumptuous master suite with veranda...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows just four things about soft rock balladeer Michael Bolton. Number one is, of course, that mystifying misfortune of a mullet he sported for way too many years–a follicular fiasco that he's, thankfully, resolved. Number two is that he sings sappy and swelling songs about love and loss that (fortunately) do not get played on the radio stations to which Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter tune in. The third thing we know about Mister Bolton is that he's been engaged to Desperate Housewives dee-va and Tinseltown survivor Nicollette Sheridan for a looong time, long enough that one has to wonder if they're ever going to get married. And the fourth tidbit we can pull up from the depths of our gin soaked and sleep deprived mind is that Mister Bolton has long bedded down in the high-toned town of Westport, CT, which the children will recall is the very samy hoity toity hamlet where big bad Martha Stewart shacked up at her television famous Turkey Hill home before she spent a little time in the clink and subsequently moved to her gigantic estate in Bedford, NY.

Now, thanks to the Westport Wailer, we've learned a fifth thing about Mister Michael Bolton, which is that he's recently put his 2.71 acre estate in Westport, dubbed Dalle Acqua, on the market with an asking price of $11,000,000.

As far as Your Mama can piece together with property records, listing information and 411 received from the Westport Wailer, the Bolton estate is located on Kings Highway North and is comprised to two single and separate lots. The larger lot, at 1.51 acres, sits well off the road and includes a 9,633 square foot main house with 6 bedrooms and 6 full and 2 half bathrooms overlooking the resort style swimming pool and alluring Nash's pond beyond. Property records show that the 50-something year old crooner and father of three purchased this piece of his real estate pie in May of 1991 for just $975,000.

Property records reveal the smaller lot, which measures 1.2 acres and fronts Kings Highway North, was purchased in January of 1992 for an undisclosed amount of money and includes a smaller 5,375 square foot residence with 4 bedrooms and 5 full and 3 half bathrooms. Listing information refers to this as a "spacious guesthouse" and Your Mama hears (but can not confirm) from the Westport Wailer that this smaller residence is also utilized as Mister Bolton's music studio.

Although Your Mama is not so much impressed by the faux-Tuscan style of the mansion nor are we particularly pleased with the day-core on display in the photographs and we are generally of the mind that porte cocheres are better left to hotels, we're not revolted either. That is except for the kitchen, where some misguided individual has made the egregious and unforgivable mistake of putting fake greenery atop the kitchen cabinets. Regular readers of our little online endeavor will surely recall that this upsetting botanical bizness violates Mama's decorating rule #827 which clearly states, "No phony foliage allowed. Anywhere and ever. Particularly on top of kitchen cabinets that do not reach the ceiling." Listen hunnies, please, just say no to that nonsense. It really does not look very good and serves no purpose whatsoever. It just means you gotta pay the cleaning ladee extra to climb on a damn ladder to dust that silk shit.

The other considerable concern we have with Mister Bolton's crib is the high number of terlits that need to be cleaned. If the property records are accurate and to be believed, there are sixteen poopers on this property which means, of course, that the owner needs at least two full time gurls with scrub brushes tied to their hard working hands to maintain a high gloss on all those terlit bowls at all times. Given the high cost of finding good terlit gurls who are willing to walk from the main house to the guest house in the high humidity of a Connecticut summer and the bitter cold of an East Coast winter, these 16 terlits might be a real deterrent for a deep pocketed buyer.

Outdoor amenities at Mister Bolton's spread include a fully lit and not quite north-south tennis court, a putting green (an amenity that Your Mama finds utterly bo-ring), a piazza (which we like), a swimming pool reached down a wide and royalty worthy marble staircase, formal gardens, sprawling lawns and a teeny tiny dock on Nash's pond perfect for launching canoes, smoking doobies and keeping an eye on the the natty neighbors across the slim body of water.

Your Mama hasn't a clue what Mister Bolton will do once he unloads his big estate in Connecticut but the children will recall of course, that Miz Sheridan recently and reportedly forked over $4,320,000 for a large and private house in the gated and suburban Los Angeles community of Hidden Hills that she snatched up from a-list lezbeeuns Melissa Etheridge and her wifey/baby momma Tammy Lynn Michaels. So Maybe Mister Bolton is headed for Hidden Hills where he and Miz Sheridan can have other resident celebs such as preggers Lisa Marie Presley, publicity luvin' dee-vorcee Denise Richards and Bruce Jenner and all those big bootied Kardashian behatchas over for brunch.

As far as we know, Miz Sheridan also continues to own the house on Roscomare Road in the hills above Bel Air where she lived with her previous huzband Harry Hamlin. That was back when Mister Hamlin was still a young and noo-bile television hottie and heart throb and long before he married leviathan lipped daytime drama ack-turus and clothing boo-teek owner Lisa Rinna.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Michael Phelps Buys in Baltimore

Swimming supah-star and eight-time Beijing Olympics golden boy Michael Phelps is already spending the tens of millions of dollars he's expected to earn in endorsements and other monetary windfalls such as the million dollar bonus Speedo paid the long and lean water baby as a bonus for his outstanding and record breaking achievements in China.

Not only did the young and newly rich Mister Phelps reportedly buy the Meadowbrook Swim Club and Northwest Ice Rink which he and coach Bob Bowman would like to turn into an Olympic training center and he's looking to scoop up a sexy and powerful Maserati or vintage Aston Martin to ferry him around town.

But his newly minted post 2008 Olympics life would not be complete without dee-luxe digs to call home, would it children? Just about every news and quasi-news outlet in the damn world is reporting that young Mister Phelps recently splashed out on a $1,690,000 condo overlooking Baltimore's revitalized Harborfront.

Details on the apartment are slim, but most reports say it measures 4,080 square feet. Your Mama can only hope it's got high ceilings and an extra-long bath tub.

It appears that it was gossip juggernaut TMZ who first reported the purchase as well as posted loads of pictures of the complex that features a private screening room, a rooftop terrace, a state of the art gym, and a club house with pool tables and a strangely small swimming pool that looks barely long enough to accommodate Mister Phelps tall and tiny Speedo adorned bah-dee.

Listen Michael hunny, you should give Your Mama a shout so we can hook you up with a nice gay decorator who will absolutely not allow you to buy a five piece set of matching black leather sofas and will know the best way to sensibly, respectfully and tastefully display your rather extensive collection of Olympic medals.

Your Mama would also bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that millionaire Mister Phelps also pays off his mama's mortgage because he's just that kinda guy, ain't he?

Lance Armstrong Loves Water

Bicycling sensation, cancer survivor and advocate, notorious ladee luver and Matthew McConoughhey BFF Lance Armstrong recently moved into an 8,000 square foot newly built Spanish colonial style house outside of Austin, TX where he lives with surrounds by lots of ebonized wood, leather floors, contemporary art and, somewhat surprisingly, a lot of pinky-mauve color accents.

Outdoor amenities include sky high cypress trees framing long allées, covered patios to escape from the scorching Texas sunshine, a heated swimming pool with an adjacent cabana and acres of of exuberantly green and rolling lawns that surely helped to give Mister Armstrong the recent and dubious distinction of being the largest private residential water user in the city of Austin.

According to an article in the Austin American-Statesman, Mister Armstrong's 3-acre estate used 222,900 gallons of water in the month of June, which is about 26 times the amount the average Austin household uses in a single month. Using our bejeweled abacus to run those numbers another way, Your Mama figures that in just one single month Mister Armstrong used more than twice the amount of water a typical house in Austin uses in an entire year. An entire damn year!

Mister Austin's water bill for the month of June, according to the Austin Water Utility, was a high and hefty $1,612 and twenty three cents. That may be pennies and pocket change to a man as wealthy as Mister Armstrong, but it's probably more than the average American takes home in a single month.

To his credit, upon learning of his water wasting, Mister Armstrong was conciliatory and declared that he has, "no interest in being the top water user in Austin, Texas" and vowed to fix the problem. Your Mama hopes in our water conserving heart that the hot bodied pedal pumper is trucking in some giant rain water collection devices and learning to live with a lawn that's a little less green.

According to a recent article in the always glittering, glowing and fawning Architectural Digest (that is loaded with juicy photos), Mister Armstrong also has homes in Spain, New York, a Texas ranch and a Bahamian hideaway.

Photo: Jay Janner for Austin American-Statesman

Thursday, August 21, 2008

John and Cindy McCain Have How Many Houses?

Candy Spelling may not recall whether her humongous house has 23 or 26 bathrooms but septuagenarian Republican presidential contender John McCain can't seem to remember how many houses he and his beer distributor heiress wifey Cindy own. Come on! Really?

Your Mama would not expect Senator McCain to accurately say how many pairs of shoes are in his closet or the number of rubber bands taking up space in his junk drawer, but we certainly expect he be able to count the number of damn homes he owns. Pleeze.

Mister McCain may not be able to count all his seven residences, but the Wonkette website sure can. They counted the McCain's $10,000,000 private plane for good measure too.

Candy Spelling Throws Open Her Mansion Doors

According to a recent report on CBS News, the deep voiced and really rich Hollywood widow Candy Spelling will indeed soon be putting her 56,000 square foot mega-manse known as The Manor on the market.

In what Your Mama imagines is an effective effort to snare some free publicity for the insanely lavish estate which will carry a price so high only big bizness barons, Russian oil oligarchs and Middle Eastern royals will be able to afford it, Miz Spelling recently allowed Miss Hattie Kauffman and a camera crew from CBS News through the wrought iron drive gates and into 123-room behemoth of a house on S. Mapleton Drive in the hoity toity Holmby Hills section of Los Angeles.

Miz Spelling takes viewers through the palatial entrance hall with its colossal curving staircase, into the baronial breakfast room (which Candy Darling says is the happiest room in the hotel sized house), through her bee-zarre doll museum (dolls scare Your Mama), down into the two lane bowling alley and gives us a glimpse into her fabled gift wrapping room. For better or worse, we also learn there are two swimming pools, 4 bars, three kitchens, more than a dozen bedrooms and–are your ready for this?–that Miz Spelling simply can not remember if there are 23 or 26 bathrooms in the sprawling house. Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that the terlit gurl could come up with the exact number in less than 2 seconds, right?

By far the most interesting–and puzzling–part of the tour for Your Mama is when the Widow Spelling demonstrates how her cavernous living room turns into a private thee-ay-ter at the flick of a switch. Up go the gilded frame paintings to reveal the projection equipment, down come the black-out curtains over the giant French doors and up from the floor lifts the jumbo sized screen. All of which is about as impressive as it gets. Except, how is it that a house with 123 damn rooms doesn't have an actual theater? Your Mama is just bowled over and betwixt with flabbergast that a house with ten dozens rooms does not include a separate screening room. How can it be that in all the planning that went into this house that the living room has to do double doody as the screening room? For a hundred and some million clams? Hunny, no. A house like this deserves its very own room for watching the latest blockbusters, reality programs and Aaron Spelling produced re-runs.

Anyhoo, as most of the children will recall, Miz Spelling will be downsizing into a still sizable 16,000 square foot penthouse at the yet to be completed building The Century located on the Avenue of the Stars in Los Angeles' Century City.

Enjoy the tour children, we know we did.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Did Music Mogul Damon Dash Default?

Uh oh.

According to the venerable International Herald Tribune, music mogul Damon Dash and his fashionista wifey Rachel Roy are facing foreclosure on a couple of Manhattan condos. Property records show the hip hopping couple own a dee-luxe doo-plex at the Atalanta building on N. Moore Street as well as a triplex penthouse located atop The Sugar Warehouse building on Laight Street.

According to property records, reports and court filings, the alliteratively blessed couple carries a whopping $7,300,000 mortgage on the N. Moore Street condo, which is comprised of two combined units. Mortgage holder Eastern Savings Bank, the entity that initiated the uglee foreclosure proceedings, claims the couple were meant to be making monstrous monthly payments of $78,500, a number that is larger than most people in this country make in an entire year.

Listing information shows that Mister and Missus Dash recently had the 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom Laight Street triplex on the market for $3,650,000 which would have put some paper in their pockets, but the penthouse appears to have been taken off the market recently.

Your Mama can not fathom how a man who recently told New York Magazine that he estimated his net worth to be "around $50 million" could possibly find himself facing foreclosure, but apparently and allegedy he is. Must be some kind of trouble in Mister Dash's hip hop paradise. Or, as we're sure his people will proclaim, it's all just some sort of mistake that will be cleared up toot-suite.

Some of the children surely recall that Mister Dash sold his big Beverly Hills abode in May of 2007 for a reported $3,600,000.

Anne Heche and James Tupper Say Bye-bye to Vancouver, B.C.

SELLER: Anne Heche and James Tupper
LOCATION: Inglewood Avenue, West Vancouver, Canada
PRICE: $2,450,00 (Canadian)
SIZE: 3,863 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Gorgeous private celebrity owned house, nestled in old growth forest with waterfall and pond...Completely renovated 4,000 square foot heritage log cabin designed by the builder of the Lions Gate Bridge in the 1930s. Manicured lawns with large private swimming pool and children's playground. Chef's kitchen including Aga stove, stainless steel appliances and cathedral ceilings. Living room, dining room, office with internet and master suite all with fire places, huge play den.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Anne Heche. Back in 2000, the little lamb lost her mental marbles and wound up wandering around a rural area outside Fresno, CA. Remember that bit of bizness? Anyhoo, soon after that puzzling predicament (Or was it just before? We can't be bothered to recall) the ack-teruss went splitsville with her lezbeeun lover Ellen Degeneres and took up with camera man Coley Laffoon, a man with whom she produced a baby named Homer. That marriage went down in a blaze of bitterness, court room dramatics and high publicity and soon after she busted up with Mister Laffoon–and some scandalously say before–she started up with her Men In Trees co-star James Tupper while shooting on location in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Once Miss Heche gave Mister Laffoon the proverbial heave-ho, the on set lovebirds coupled quickly and together bought a new multi-million dollar nest in Western Vancouver faster than water boils on a high heat Wolf range. Yes they did children. Your Mama does not know how to access Canadian property records, but from previous reports, it appears that Miss Heche (a.k.a. Celestia) and Mister Tupper coughed up $2,200,000 for their Inglewood Avenue log cabin style house in May of 2007. They reportedly bought the property from Matthew Frenette, the drummer for the legendary Canadian band Loverboy.

At the time of the purchase, the living in sin couple thought their Men In Trees program was a shoe-in for another season, which would provide them both with fat paychecks that would easily service the reported $13,400 per month mortgage payments. But the children surely know, the television bizness is both brutal and ferociously fickle and Men In Trees was unceremoniously canceled leaving Miss Heche (and presumably Mister Tupper) with only a modest income from odd jobs and residuals that is much too minuscule to pay her Canadian mortgage, not to mention the nearly $15,000 per month child and spousal support she was obligated to pay Mister Laffoon. (Miss Heche's financial obligation to Mister Laffoon has since been reduced to a much more manageable and approximate $3,700 per month.)

Thanks to Clark the Canuck, Your Mama has learned that Miss Heche and Mister Tupper have reluctantly put their West Vancouver hoose on the market with an asking price of $2,450,000. We presume that is $2,450,000 Canadian dollars, which our bejeweled abacus informs us converts to $2,302,610 U.S. dollars at today's rates.

In a televised interview during which Miss Heche tours a news crew through her happy hoose, she explains–and we paraphrase, natch–that although the couple loves their little slice of Canadian real estate heaven, they no longer have jobs in Vancouver and so must sell their love shack and move back to Los Angeles where they'll have more opportunity to secure high paying acting jobs.

Listing information indicates house was designed in the 1930s by the builder of Vancouver's famed Lion's Gate Bridge, sits on nearly an acre of land and measures 3,863 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. The interior spaces feature lots of high beamed ceilings and many of the rooms, including the double height stair hall and dining rooms, are swaddled in some kick ass country-style wood work. Other rooms include a long and narrow living room, an open plan gor-may kitchen with Aga brand range, a 400+ square foot family room, and an office/study with mauve colored carpeting. Listing information also indicates there are six fireplaces which are good for keeping the tootsies warm on cold Canadian winters, but not so good for forest preservation.

The children can say what they will and want about Miss Heche and her wild and wacky ways, but Your Mama is always impressed with the quality of her homes and their comfortable, quirky and inherently personal interior day-core which always seem appropriate for the location and style of house in which she's living. It's not that we agree with all the decorating choices (i.e. the above mentioned mauve carpeting and the speckled granite counter tops in the kitchen), but overall, Miss Heche's houses always feel like a home to Your Mama.

The outside spaces include a long driveway terminating at a 3-car garage, a small and pretty pond on the front of the property and a swimming pool at the rear. There are large expanses of lawn perfect for gin and tonic fueled croquet tournaments and Miss Heche has also installed a children's playground are for her son Homer, a feature that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would have ripped out five minutes after the closing. However, our deepest concern with this property is the possible road noise that might filter through the trees from the nearby Upper Levels Highway which runs about 50 yards from the backyard.

The children will recall that Miss Heche and Mister Laffoon sold their very pretty and nicely deco-rated Hancock Park house last year to television writer/executive producer Matt Olmstead and super producer Dawn Parouse for $3,660,000, and according to the always well informed Lucy Spillerguts, Miss Heche currently resides in a modest condo in Marina del Rey. Such is the life of an actor children. One day the money is rolling in and you're making mortgage payments on a multi-million dollar mansion and the next you're hauling your sofa and shit up two flights of stairs into a rented 2-bedroom condo.

Although we personally find Miss Heche to be a little erratic and a wee bit touched in the head in a way that's just not cute, Your Mama has no doubt this little ladee will soon find herself back up on her financial feet again. Mark Your Mama's word on this one children, Miss Heche is like a damn cockroach and we predict she'll be standing tall in Hollywood and living in a big house in Bev Hills long after some of these other young and hideously uninteresting starlets have injected, lifted and stretched their skin into entertainment industry oblivion.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Your Mama's House

In response to the innumerable queries and questions:

1. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have indeed relocated to Los Angeles.

2. We moved for personal and not professional reasons.

3. As contradictory and perhaps even hypocritical as it may be, Your Mama is not about to reveal where we currently reside and we ain't posting pictures neither. Suffice to say we're in modest and temporary digs in a reasonably central and desirable but not even remotely glammy part of town.

4. None the less, since everyone is curious and clamoring to know how Your Mama shacks up, we've decided to put up a photograph of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's former (and much loved) weekend house located on the East End of Long Island, which is pictured above.

Now then, let's move on and talk about the homes of actual celebrities.

UPDATE: Villa Leopolda

Multiple reports have come out in the last week or so that confidently point to forty-something year old Russian multi-billionaire Mikail Prokhorov as the ridonkulously rich man who slapped down a record breaking and mind-frying 730-some million dollars to purchase international socialite Lilly Safra's legendarily high maintenance Villa Leopolda in the South of France.

However, Mister Prokhorov's people are saying, "Nyet!"

See children, according to his spokesman, Mister Prokhorov will not do any manner of bizness in France until he gets a sincere apology from French authorities for arresting and detaining the famously fun loving billionaire during a probe into a prostitution ring last winter in the French ski resort of Courchevel, an area which all the children should know by now has become a favorite winter haven for newly rich Russians all decked out in designer ski duds.

Although most everyone thinks the secretive and immensely rich buyer is Russian, both Mister Prokhorov and hideously rich Roman Abramovich–a Russian billionaire known for purchasing extravagantly priced properties–has also denied being the buyer for Villa Leopolda, which makes a certain amount of sense to Your Mama given that he's already spending a fortune renovating Chateau de la Croe, the waterfront estate he owns in the area.

For now then, the identity of the big buyer remains a bit of a mystery and the real estate obsessed around the world with just have to wait patiently until the buyer decides to reveal himself.

UPDATE: Josh Flagg

Looks like the scruffy faced and much maligned Bev Hills real estate agent and Million Dollar Listing star Josh Flagg is off the hook. That's right children, off the legal hook.

Gossip juggernaut TMZ, the very same website that broke the story of Mister Flagg's arrest for allegedly stealing pricey paintings out of the lavish homes he listed for sale, is now reporting that the Los Angeles District Attorney has dropped the charges like a hot potato due due to lack of evidence.

So there you have it children. Young Mister Flagg may not be the most likable character on the boob toob, but according to the powers that be that does not make him an art thief. On that note, Your Mama wishes Mister Flagg best of luck putting this publicity nightmare in the rear view mirror of his luxury sedan.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Update: Ed McMahon

Listen my precious puppies, together we all endured last week's media maelstrom about bold and brassy billionaire Donald Trump reportedly stepping in to purchase poor Ed McMahon's Los Angeles McMahonsion which was just two short weeks away from being snatched up by creditors due to a major mortgage default.

As the story goes, Mister Trump agreed to buy the McMahon mansion located in the guard gated Summit community for an undisclosed sum of money–which Your Mama hears through the gossip grapevine was $4,600,000–and lease the six bedroom and 5 bathroom house back to old Ed and his much younger wifey Pamela.

But children, Your Mama is hearing something a little different. A source we'll call Vociferous Veronica whispered in our big ear that it looks like publicity hungry Mister Trump and Mister McMahon's money hungry creditors will not come to terms. This is all very bee-zarre given that this whole deal would have been done like a Thanksgiving turkey had Mister Trump just kindly coughed up the $4,600,000 asking price like he so publicly said he was going to do.

If true, this means, of course, that Mister McMahon will need another millionaire knight in shining armor to come riding down Mulholland Drive and save his impoverished and debilitated boo-tay.

Just a little real estate rumor and gossip children, rumor and gossip.