Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Audrina Patridge Heads for the Hills

BUYER: Audrina Patridge
LOCATION: Bryn Mawr Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,290,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This new construction Spanish Villa has a spectacular view over looking the city! It has 3 bedrooms & two and a half baths, & a huge gourmet chef's kitchen. The kitchen features a separate convection oven, 6 burner gas stove, built-in microwave, wine refrigerator and side by side refrigerator, & a center island. The entertainer's patio is like a resort w/ built in BBQ, refrigerator...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in late August Your Mama floated a (not very) blind item about a best friend battling gossip glossy favorite spending some of her not very hard earned reality show money on a new house in the hills above Hollywood. As many of y'all guessed correctly, the new home owner is none other than Audrina Patridge, dark haired gurl from The Hills, not the blond one who wants to be a fashion dee-ziner, but the one who aspires to be a mo-dell and ack-turuss. Yes, well, good luck with that baby gurl...

Anyhoo, we know that many of you don't care nuthin' about those cat fighting kitties from The Hills and if we're telling the truth–and we always do–Your Mama does not either. In fact we've never even bothered to watch the damn program. However, the cast members' comings and goings have become inescapable for all us gossip glossy junkies who are forced to read about Heidi and Lauren and Audrina in between stories about real stars like Brad Pitt, Halle Berry and British singing sensation Robbie Williams...who Your Mama also hears is buying a new house. But more on that later.

It's certainly no secret that Miss Patridge bought a new house. Oh no. As is typical with the publicity seeking lasses from The Hills, she's been yakking it up with all the paps and gossip glossies about how she felt like a guest living in the, uhm, guest house of Lauren's house in West Hollywood and how she needed more space for her clothes and accessories. Isn't that nice how her pee-pole have trained her to be so diplomatic? Most reports say that former BFFs Audrina and Lauren can't stand the sight of each other, but for all Your Mama knows, the whole hate each other thing could be made up for their stoopid show. Who knows? Who cares?

According to our source Lucy Spillerguts and confirmed with property records, Miss Patridge paid $1,290,000 for her newly constructed "Spanish Villa" on Bryn Mawr Drive that includes 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a gore-may kitchen with a window shoved up into the ceiling and more tile floors than in all of Spain itself.

What is most interesting to Your Mama about Miss Patridge's purchase is that as far as we can tell (from the listing information we saved all those weeks ago), the house was last listed at $1,199,000 which means that according to our beloved and bejeweled abacus the reality show personality paid more than the asking price for her new house with it's built-in microwave oven and resort like entertainer's patio. More! That, children, just isn't happening that much anymore.

There's really no point in discussing the rather bland and beige day-core seen in the photographs because that is clearly the work of Staging Lady in a Pink Toyota. And not some of her best work either. Your Mama hopes Miss Partridge has the good sense to hire one of her nice gay decorator friends to get up in there and work it out. The first thing Your Mama would suggest is to go out and buy some damn rugs to cover up some of that beige tile that has been laid down, seemingly, throughout the entire house. Who does that? Why? The builder couldn't have mixed it up with some nice dark floors in the living and dining rooms? Pleeze.

At least the place has some pretty nice views over looking the glittery lights of Los Angeles.

Property records also reveal that Miss Patridge's new next door neighbor is How I Met Your Mother actor Josh Radnor who paid 1.1 million clams for his house in June of 2007 for his 1926 Spanish style house with 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms.

Now then, let's move on and hope none of these other folks from The Hills bother to buy a house because Your Mama ain't got nuthin' left to say about them.

P.S. We stand corrected...this gurl's name is indeed Patridge rather that Partridge which is what Your Mama thought it was...shows you how much we know. Anyhoo...we've fixed it. The least we can do is spell the pee-pole's names correctly, right?

17 comments:

Alessandra said...

If I hadn't seen the staircase, I'd think this was a double wide or pre-fab in La Puente. Especially with that horrid window over the sink in the kitchen...

And she paid more? Good luck with that one, honey.

Simon said...

It's VERY Benidorm, and that isn't a compliment!

Anonymous said...

Weird as it may seem, it's 'Patridge' and not like the cheery, happy musical family from television in the 70s.

Anonymous said...

Is the "view" of smoggy LA supposed to be a feature?

Anonymous said...

11:02 - Yes.

Anonymous said...

After the Hills run ends.......how do you pay the bills???????

Babe Parish said...

'Round here we like to call her "Sleepy Eyes".

Anonymous said...

anon 12:04, Some actors (and others in the industry) have this odd idea that while you are making money on a show, you set aside (save) money to use to live on while getting to the next gig. I know, sounds crazy since even common non-celebrity folks know you're supposed to blow every penny each month and rack up huge debt because your real estate and stocks will carry you through the lean times.

Anonymous said...

OK, I promise not to knock decor.

1. That is a tiled bathroom vanity with under-mount sinks??? Does this girl really want to stare at grout first thing in the morning? Perhaps she just wants a raised surface to cool her cheeks after a long night out.

2. Those baseboards look like they belong in a Taco Bell

3. The Menard's salesman tried to push those kitchen cabinets on me. I refused.

4. Menard's also offered that Police/Stevie Nicks chandelier in the dining area. I said, 'NO'.

Sandpiper said...

Ah ha! So this is where Julian Schnabel got the idea for his Palazzo Chupi kitchens?!!

pudenda shenanigans said...

Some talentless moron on mtv can afford a $1.3m house, AND is paying that much for THIS fug place.

I feel queasy.

Warmfire said...

Place looks terrific, though I'm irritated that someone like Audrina can afford it and I can't.

Steph said...

Anon 7:52, get over yourself.

There is no way that Audrina should be able to afford this place.

Gene Foreman said...

To everyone saying and asking in such ridiculous bewilderment how she can "afford" this place let me take you to school. First of all she was born rich, her parents live in Newport Beach for Christs sake and that's where she grew up. Ever since the Hills, they get paid $50k PER EPISODE and everyone knows that, it was part of a Hills special in the summer of 08 as well as been mentioned on ShowBiz Tonight and E! News. This house, her Mercedes-Benz SL550, and her new Dodge Challenger she bought were all drop in the buckets for her. Hope you all are learned.

Anonymous said...

Audrina was actually raised in Yorba Linda, CA and attended my high school. She also makes $35,000 an episode, as Lauren Conrad makes $75,000 per episode. Audrina drives a Mercedes Benz G-Wagon that's white.

cindy lou said...

still laughing, she does look like she has "sleepy eyes".
I hope she paid cash for that tacky pad ,because I don't think there is life after that Stoopid show ends.

and even If she paid cash and gets her old job back as a receptionist the taxes and upkeep would be too much for a no talent/moran to handle.

Anonymous said...

i think its really sad that people bash celebs like these girls.. granted they arent teh best actors or reality tv people in the world, but the hills is a good show...all the girls get paid..like we do at our jobs ( assuming most of you have jobs)granted we dont make 35k-50k each time we punch in at our jobs, but thats what being a celeb is all about. id say as much crap as these girls take from peers, and media, the money is of little conselation at most times. and if you were in her shoes, youd soak it up just as much if not more....house is cute...btw...who knows what she has done to fix it up with her own flair...
thanks...