Wednesday, March 5, 2008

UPDATE: Guccione's Double Wide Porn Palace

New York Observer real estate gossip and reporter Max Abelson reported yesterday that the double wide townhouse on East 67th Street that once belonged to porn king Bob Guccione has fi-na-lee sold for for a heavy duty purchase price of $49,000,000. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the buyer of the tremendous townhouse is a hedge fund honcho whose name is Philip Falcone.

Now that word of the pricey purchase has hit the gossip grapevine, Your Mama imagines that the princess phone of Missus Falcone–whom we hope will spend the next few weeks supervising a serious cleaning–is ringing off the hook with courtesy and congratulatory calls from the wispy assistants of every big name decorator north of 59th Street and East of Fifth Avenue who hopes to secure a place in the heart, mind and Birkin bag of the filty rich ladee who is now in serious need of a flotilla of furniture and antique rugs to fill all 27 rooms of her new and ridiculously ornate mansion.

In an effort to divert attention away from its lurid and pornographic past, the townhouse was renamed from Guccione Mansion to Milbank Mansion. Even still, the palatial pile languished on the market with at least two of Manhattan's hoity toity-est real estate agents and a variety of asking prices rumored to be as absurdly high as $99,000,000.

Sometime in early 2007 the porn palace was given a $59,000,000 price tag and there it sat until along came Mister Falcone with his $49,000,000 deal (which appears, not surprisingly, to be all cash). Laurus Funds, the entity who took control of the property in an ugly foreclosure situation in 2006, wisely decided it simply wasn't going to get better than that. And who could blame the after wrestling with this marble floored white elephant for almost two years?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd get a haz-mat crew in there with kennel cleaning chemicals. Top to bottom.

so_chic_darling said...

Fill in that stupid ground floor pool first.

Anonymous said...

It will take more than antique furniture & rugs - the interiors are disgusting - "porn palace" is a good indication of what lies behind the doors.

Alessandra said...

My eyes!

How does one ever make that marble dildo into a home?

sandpiper said...

Haz-mat cleaning post is me. Goofed my signature. Oops!

lil' gay boy said...

Hazmat to start - then Clorox; thousands & thousands of gallons of it.

Probably would be cheaper in the long run to gut rehab it, just to purge it of the ew factor.

sandpiper said...

Alessandra...check!

Extra strength Clorox on ALL marble finishes.

Anonymous said...

Will miss all those wild parties - I'm sure MAMA would appreciate the days gone by at Bob's.

bentley said...

Just when you thought the grotto was the gnarliest tub of water around...

If they paid in cash they can afford to turn into something special.

lil' gay boy said...

Alessandra,

Ah, but the world's most sought after marble dildo; like finding treasure in an Egyptian tomb.

Bigdaddyj said...

OMG this place is hideous, both inside and out...though I bet it was fun in the 70's! I think, given the size of the lot, money would be best spent to tear it down and build anew...though the place was perfect for Guccione...too bad neither Mike Tyson or Fitty-cent were in the market for a ridiculously expensive and ugly, over-the-top Manhattan pad, or this place would've sold years ago, LOL

Rhea said...

Haz-mat is right! I would bring in a Major Saging Crew to sage the place like crazy. Nah. I just wouldn't live there. The karma is too screwed up.