Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Your Mama Hears...

...That Courtney Cox and David Arquette are thisclose to selling their swoopy and curvy Lautner designed house on Carbon Beach in Malee-boo that they listed earlier this year for a staggering $33,500,000. So close in fact that they've gone to escrow according to our Fairy Godmother in Malee-boo.

Nic Cage Buys Another blah blah blah

BUYER: Nicholas Cage
LOCATION: Midford, Bath, Somerst, England
PRICE: 5,000,000 pounds (asking)
SIZE: BIG with 7 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: An exceptional and unique small Country Estate with a magnificent Grade I Listed 18th Century castle. 2 Cottages, pasure and woodlands in all 58,6 acres. 3 Reception Rooms, 7 bedrooms, extensive Lower ground Floor, Garages and Stores. 2 Cottages. Gothic Orangery and further traditional outbuildings. Chapel Ruins and former Priory. Parkland, Grassland and Woodland.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Nic Cage is another of those celebrities that is constantly buying and selling properties all over the world. At latest count he's got at least 14 properties in 5 countries including a big house on Copa de Oro Road in Bel Air, at least one house in Las Vegas, several properties around New Orleans, a home on Paradise Island in the Bahamas as well as an undeveloped 40+ acre island in the Bahamas, a dilapidated Bavarian Schloss, and he already owns a 4 floor Georgian townhouse in Bath (see below) he purchased last year for 1.2 pounds.

And now he's gone and bought Midford Castion, a Gothic pile three miles South of Bath that was built in 1775 in the shape of the ace of spades. The three story tower sits on a plinth and includes 7 bedrooms and only three bathrooms. Also on the 58 acre grounds are a chapel, a couple of cottages, the ruins of priory and an orangery, which is just a fancy word for a big greenhouse.

According to one report, the Elvis obsessed actor who lately has been sporting some pretty freaky and possibly fake hair intends to use the property as a family getaway from the "madness" of Hollywood. With 14 properties, how does one know whether you're coming, going, getting away, or heading back?

Below we also have a few snaps of the Georgian townhouse in Bath that Mister Cage and his much younger wifey purchased last year. Your Mama is going to refrain from commentary because the decor you see is NOT that of Mister and Missus Cage, but the previous owners.
The townhouse, located on a graceful and curving street called The Circus has nearly 9,000 square feet of space including an indoor swimming pool in the basement. We wonder if now that Cage is to be the lord of a castle, if he'll sell off this piece of his real estate empire.

Your Mama would like to thank Baroness Rebecca for sending us ALL the information we could ever have wanted about Mister Cage's real estate doings in Bath.

Sources: People, Glitterati Gossip, The Daily Mail, The Times (UK)

Your Mama Hears...

...That Slade Smiley, the spurned beau hunk ex-boyfriend of Jo on The Housewives of Orange County, has been to real estate school. Well good for him.

We received a call earlier today from Connie Crossyerheartandhopetadie, who giddily informed us that Mister Smiley, who either sold or went into foreclosure on his Coto de Caza house (depends on who you ask), is hanging his license at the venerable and well respected Hilton & Hyland real estate brokerage in Bev Hills.

As of today, Mister Smiley's name does not appear on the H&H website, but his name is indeed among the roster of licensed agents affiliated with H&H that is on file at the Department of State, the agency that oversees real estate licensing and licensees.

Good luck Slade. We hope you have more luck selling houses than you did convincing that brat of an ex-girlfriend to settle down and be a good little wifey.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Isaiah Washington Selling Out

SELLER: Isaiah Washington
LOCATION: N. Sycamore Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,695,000 (monthly maintenance: $1,072)
SIZE: 2,149 square feet, 4 bedrooms 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Stunning Modernist fusion w/ 1920s classic details. Rare SE corner overlooking pool & gardens. 28 ft. entry, dark herringbone wood flrs, high ceilings, detailed moldings, recessed lighting, chef's kit, lrge liv rm w/ frplce, recessed light, & built-in sound sys. Formal din rm, Master w/ walk-in closet, white marble bath. Double paned window. Pool, spa, gym. Gated garage. Only 4 units per floor with no common walls. This is a good one!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As the story goes, Isaiah Washington went and got himself fired from his plum role on Grey's Anatomy for making inflammatory and homophobic remarks. We don't know anything about whether the stories are true or not, but Your Mama confesses that the beleaguered actor has some good taste in interior appointments. However, before we get to his Hancock Park co-op, which he recently put on the market for $1,695,000, Your Mama has to get a few things off our chest.

Do we even need to tell y'all that this tall, dark and cool drink of water drives Your Mama direct to the nerve pills? This man, who will not shut his damn trap about his perceived injustice at the hands of the Grey's Anatomy bigwigs, has us so upset with his numerous rantings and ravings that we had to get loaded on the nerve pills just to discuss his apartment.

Lawhd children, the man has gone and already found another job on The Bionic Woman AND he's about to make nearly a million clams on the sale of his apartment and he still won't shut up. Isaiah hunny, we are trying to help you here, so you would do well to listen to Your Mama when we tell you that the more you whine and complain about how you was done wrong, the less anyone believes anything your ass has got to say. The details of the on-set dust up do not matter anymore. You got fired. Move on. Hollywood has a short memory, so do yourself a big favor and keep your big mouth shut and let the drama dissipate.

The married daddy of three small children purchased this apartment, located in a dee-luxe apartment building called the Faubourg St. Denis, back in September of 2000 for $738,000. Located on the third floor overlooking the complex swimming pool and common gardens, the 2,149 square foot apartment has 4 bedroom, 3.5 bathrooms, a separate dining room, gorgeous high ceilings, and stunning vintage moldings. But no terrace, which is a deal breaker for Your Mama. If there is no place for our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly to soak up the sun, then Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter can not even consider living there.

With only four apartments per floor that do not share any common walls, the building is well suited for celebs and other privacy seekers. Your Mama appreciates the long, looong entrance hall because there's nothing worse than a front door that opens directly into the living room. Oh no. That just makes it too easy for that snarky Chinese food delivery man to stand at your door and judge you because he can see that you are watching re-runs of Wife Swap and your dog is licking the carpet where you dropped egg foo young from last night's Chinese order in meal.

The delicious ebonized wood floors sweep us into the living room where we are greeted by a couple of Corbusier's LC2 black leather chairs. Hello. Your Mama knows that framed photographs help to make a house feel like a home, but in this case, the wonderfully carved mantle is not the place to showcase pictures of smiling babies with their grandparents. Also, we recommend getting rid of the baby grand piano unless someone in the house actually plays the thing. We adore that the Washingtons have left the casement windows essentially bare–we do note the floor to ceiling sheers behind the piano–and the red sofa is a shocking and titillating punch of color. And books, please notice the books on the coffee table! Also, could that be a wee Dan Flavin sculpture shining on the back wall?

Except for the tremendous plaster shields in the ceiling corners, the dining room has been pleasantly stripped of artifice. We appreciate the simple chocolate curtains which quietly frame the window and the over-scale artwork with it's black and white bulls eye motif unexpectedly reflects Mister Washington's stance as a racial target.

Once upon a time in another city in another state Your Mama had a teeny kitchen with a spectacular view and a black and white tiled floor. We loved the checkerboard floor back then, and while we've moved beyond wanting another one, we can still appreciate the bold and graphic pattern it creates. And in this particular apartment, we like the way it effectively and not so subtly stretches the black and white color scheme of the dining room artwork into the kitchen.

The den/television room has been given a slight 1970s vibe with the patchwork pattern on the cabinets and sliding doors. We like to imagine all that is butter soft leather sewn together into a modern tapestry, but more likely it's stain. Either way it looks great, but the leather would be out of this world, pee in our pants good. Again we would like the children to note the books. Say what you will about Mister Isaiah Washington, but the fact that he's got actual books up in his crib tells me he's more than just an angry man with a pretty face.

The Mister and Missus Washington have three small children and in the room with the royal blue carpet we see the private quarters of at least one of their progeny. We are surprised to admit that we actually like the deep blue rug. It works for us against the white walls and with the orange accents on the very expensive Netto Collection crib.

Once upon a time Your Mama was acquainted with the man who designs the very expensive baby furniture featured in this room, who back in the 1990s was an ambitious architecture student and trust fund kid who lived in a divey parlor floor apartment on St. Marks Street in New York's East Village, vacationed with Tatiana von Furstenberg, and quietly complained of not having enough money to keep up with his truly rich friends.

But we digress. We imagine that with three small children it's simply time for the Washington family to move to a proper house with room for the kiddies to splash in a pool and climb all over a very expensive and custom made backyard jungle gym.

Because Your Mama likes to give credit where it is deserved, we would also like the children to know that Mister Isaiah Washington has a production company called Coalhouse Productions which aims to "promote social integrity and change." Also Your Mama would like to tip our hat to the tri-named Billy Bob Blabbermouth for cluing us in to this property.

Sources: MSNBC, People, Entertainment Weekly, A Socialite's Life

Fleur De Lys Photographs of the Day (Part 8)

Today we conclude our tour of Fleur De Lys, the jaw dropping and shiver inducing Holmby Hills mansion that billionaire dee-vorcée Suzanne Saperstein dumped on to the market recently for a staggering $125,000,000. Built as a modern day Versaille, the grotesquely huge house measures more than 40,000 square feet of glitz and glamour.

We've circled around the exterior of Fleur De Lys including the swimming pool complex, and we've discussed some of the interior spaces including the Entrance Hall, the Silver Sitting Room, the Library and Rosegold Music Salon, the Formal Dining Room, Main Kitchen, the vaguely Medieval themed Wine Tasting Room, the funereal Screening Room, and the public room to end all public rooms, the Ballroom. Then we saw the family's Sitting Room as well as Miz Suzanne Sapersteins Boudoir and bathing facilities.

Because we can not tolerate discussing any more photos of rooms dripping in 24 carat gold gilding and filled with high Louie French antiques, today we offer three relatively serene photos of the exterior of the house and grounds. If you forget this is place is meant to be a private house, it's not so difficult to find a certain grandeur and beauty in the building's lovely symmetry or to appreciate the meticulously manicured lollipop trees ringing the vast lawn. But it is a house, a big, big house. And therein lies the problem.

Throughout our tour Your Mama has been astounded, astonished, aghast, and amazed, revolted, rattled, staggered and surprised, bewildered, dazzled and dazed, mortified, mystified and stupefied. We have been through the architectural wringer and around the block of conspicuous consumption. We have been to what we consider the the putrefying pits of interior design and we are left breathless and bleary eyed.

Obviously our opinion is merely that, our opinion. And maybe, just maybe, we're the fool. But y'all can call Your Mama a fool all day long if it's foolish to desire a house feel like a place to relax and take refuge from the high drama of our life. Seriously people, even those of you that genuinely appreciate the size, scale, and museum quality artifacts of this house must also know in your gut that this is not a warm, engaging, or inviting house. In our humble book Fleur De Lys is a flashy, trashy and and all too obvious shrine to personal wealth not to mention a desperate and ugly attempt to purchase class that leaves Your Mama feeling empty, hollowed out, and sad. Sad, sad, sad.

Rick Schroder's Itty Bitty Beach Shack

BUYER: Rick and Andrea Schroder
SELLER: Christopher Cortazzo
LOCATION: Las Flores Beach, Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $5,850,000 (sale price)
DESCRIPTION: Agent's personal new beach house on approximately 42 feet of beach frontage. Casual elegance & sophistication with 2 large ocean front decks, all new appliances, finest amenities. A must see!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Every now and then Your Mama comes across a property that actually turns us green with envy. This teeny tiny beach shack in Malee-boo is exactly what Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would want if we had nearly six million clams to spend on an ocean front getaway. We are definitely not in love with all the furnishings and decor–the crazy rattan bar stools can go–but we covet the close in location, modest size, and heavenly ocean side decks that stretch the inside out towards the roiling Pacific Ocean.

Y'all might remember this house from when it was featured on the Bravo TVs Million Dollar Listing last year. On the show, the young and handsome real estate whipper snapper Madison Hildebrand (who maintains his own blog) showed the house as a potential rental property to a corporate bigwig lady with a sky high budget and an obscenely expensive purse who was looking for a house to rent for the summer.

Also present at the showing was the homeowner, who happened to be young Madison's mentor and the undisputed king of Malee-boo real estate Christopher Cortazzo. If you've ever been withing 100 miles of the Malee-boo real estate world, you already know that Mister Cortazzo, a former model and animal lover, sells mind boggling numbers of Malee-boo mansions and multi-million dollar ocean front houses.

Mister Cortazzo purchased this wee beach hut as an investment back in April of 2004 for an undisclosed amount of money. We are quite certain this place was a shit hole before Mister Cortazzo worked his make over magic on the house. Your Mama recalls somewhere in the recesses of our failing memory that when Mister Cortazzo put the house back on the market, it actually had a much higher asking price initially. However, $5,995,000 is the list price we have on the listing we were able to access.

The corporate bigwig lady did not rent the house for the summer, but eventually, in February of 2007, the 1,250 square foot, 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom house was sold to none other than former child actor turned gun toting Republican Rick Schroder for $5,850,000.

Before Golden Globe winner Rick Schroder was baring his Republican ass on NYPD Blue, he was best known as Jon Voight's cute kid in The Champ, and then as the cute and spoiled rich kid on the sit-com Silver Spoons. As a young adult he forsook the Hollywood lifestyle, sold the house at 921 N. Roxbury Drive in Bev Hills where he lived as a teenager, and moved to a 15,000 acre ranch in Grand Junction, CO. There he became a cowboy, a conservative, and a member of the NRA. In 2000, the private but politically active actor spoke at the Republican National Convention on behalf of our dear and wise leader President George Bush.

We recall reading somewhere (our failing mind again) that Mister Schroder had listed his massive ranch in Colorado for sale, but property records indicate he still owns at least a good chunk of that property. Before moving back to California, property records indicate the Schroders bought and sold several properties in Scottsdale, Arizona, where they have maintained a home since at least 1997. In March of 2006, they sold a 6,867 square foot house located within the gates of the Country Club at DC Ranch for a whopping $3,800,000.

In March of 2005, the Schroder family relocated back to California when they paid $4,150,000 to purchase a 21 acre ranchette up in the hills of Topanga Canyon. At the time of purchase the Topanga property included a 4,629 square foot house and several outbuildings including horse stables and a riding ring. The Schroder ranchette is just a hop, skip, and a jump from the family's new beach shack, which is a good thing because the Schroder's have a whole mess of kids, and finding a place for them all to sleep at the two bedroom beach house could be troublesome.

Now, before we sign off and take our bitches Linda and Beverly our for their morning constitution, let's quickly discuss the merits of this house. Number one, the location. Your Mama likes the Las Flores location which provides quick and easy access to the West Side of LA without having to deal with the constant snarl of traffic further up the Pacific Coast Highway. And sure, we know Carbon Beach is way more exclusive, but Your Mama does not need to be sitting on the back deck trying to relax while the flash bulbs pop pop pop as the paparazzi take pictures of all those troubled starvelets like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, preggers Nicole Richie, and the minuscule Olsen twins as they strut the sand in their teeny bikinis and provide the paps with nip slips as they frolic in the surf. No thanks.

Number two, the modest size. Contrary to trend, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter actually prefer houses without excessive square footage. We do not want to encourage overnight guests by having 7 bedrooms fronting the ocean. Nor do we enjoy having a house so big that it requires a team of cleaning gurls be up in there 3 or 4 days a week. This itty bitty beach house is just big enough to easily host one or two favored guests at a time, say The Chicken or Flower and Grandma Bunny.

Number three, the heavenly decks. Living at the beach is all about being able to spend time immersed in the elements. We adore that Mister Cortazzo thought to put a hammock on the lower deck and we LOVE the double wide chaise. And of course everyone knows how much Your Mama loves a picnic table, particularly a big chunky one like Mister Cortazzo featured on the lower deck. On the upper deck Mister Cortazzo has taken a rather banal feature, the bench that spans and wraps the length of the deck, and elevated it to a spectacularly long and cushioned bench with dozens and dozens of pillows. Gorgeous.

What we want to know is where does Mister Schroder plan on hanging the gun rack?

P.S. Your Mama would like to publicly apologize to Mister Big Time for not referencing his posting on this property some months ago. Y'all know our mind is slipping and we did not check or remember. Sorry Mister Big Time, you know we like to give credit where credit is due, and you are due sir.

Sources: Inside Bu, Hollywood Grind, Drunk Hollywood, Internet Movie Data Base

Sunday, July 29, 2007

More Sunday Reading

Head on over to Haute Living, the magazine for all things lavish and luxe, to read an article about a handful of the big, BIG players in the rarefied world of super high end real estate in Los Angeles. Hauge Living's list includes, but is not limited to, the inestimable Stephen Shapiro, Chris Cortazzo, who who has his hands on a mind bending number of high end Malee-boo deals, Jade Mills, a grande dame of swanky real estate, and the newcomer Drew Fenton.

There are a number of other high end agents that could have been included on this list too. Off the top off our frazzled and forgetful head: Joyce Rey, Irene-Dazzan Palmer, Kathy Villa, Valerie Fitzgerald, Kurt Rappaport, David Offer, Jeeb Naiman O'Reilly, Bennett Carr, Ron De Salvo, Joseph Babajian, Barry Sloane, Brett Lawyer, Maurico Umansky...who are we missing?

A Little Sunday Reading

This morning we're going to send you over to The Telegraph, a UK newspaper that recently featured an article about high end and celebrity real estate agents in Los Angeles. It's a fun walk through the lifestyles of the people who sell homes to the rich and famous.

And don't you know, the nice writer even mentioned our little blog in the article.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Fleur De Lys Photographs of the Day (Part 7)

For today's installment on Fleur De Lys, the sickeningly sumptuous Saperstein estate in Bel Air that was modeled after Versailles and is currently on the market for $125,000,000, we move out to the expansive 5 acre grounds, which are a filthy rich sport lovers delight. We have the heated swimming pool, a well equipped work out room, regulation sized tennis court, and a three-quarter mile jogging loop around the perimeter of the property.

Previously we discussed the interior spaces of Fleur De Lys, including the Entrance Hall, the Silver Sitting Room, the Library and Rosegold Music Salon, the Formal Dining Room, Main Kitchen, the vaguely Medieval themed Wine Tasting Room, the funereal Screening Room, and the public room to end all public rooms, the Ballroom. Then we saw the family's Sitting Room as well as Miz Suzanne Sapersteins Boudoir and bathing facilities.

Let's move across the hyper-landscaped rose gardens and into the Esther Williams extravaganza worthy swimming pool complex. The cement pond, at 70 feet in length, is plenty big enough to invite all the Bel Air gurls over for private water aerobics classes with a Speedo clad and smooth bodied instructor named Paolo. The 12 person spa is also an excellent place to relax with Paolo and the gurls after treading water for a few minutes.

The perfectly symmetrical, mausoleum like pool pavilion offers a two marble bathrooms for rinsing off the chlorine, as well as a large Pilate's studio/gym and a treatment room where family and friends can receive massages and "massages."

Fortunately for the staff, a full kitchen with a built in pizza oven has been provided in the swimming pool complex. Otherwise the staff would be forced to carry all the pizzas down from the main kitchen, which as you might have already assumed, is quite a distance. The covered al fresco dining area provides a respite from the hot Caleefornia sun and the fireplace will take the chill off during late night skinny dipping forays.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Tom Crooz Purchase Price Revealed...

...Today Mister Big Time gives us the definitive answer on the price Mister Tom Crooz paid for uber real estate agent Kurt Rappaport's recently renovated Beverly Hills house. Drum roll please....$30,500,000 million.

Your Mama had been told $32,500,000 million by a source close to the purchase, but Mister Big Time sourced the deed, so you know his poop is spot on. Bravo!

Is Johnny Depp Going Downtown?

The online gossip juggernaut TMZ is reporting that dirty boy Johnny Depp has paid $2,000,000 for a penthouse apartment at the newly converted Eastern Columbia Lofts in Downtown Los Angeles (lobby pictured above). Hmmm. Do we smell a publicity stunt?

The E.C. Lofts were developed by the Kor Group, which is headed by budding real estate and hotel magnate Brad Korzen who happens to be married to famed interior designer Kelly Wearstler, who recently incurred the wrath of the Los Angeles zoning boards for running her offices out of a residential property. Oops.

What's inneresting about this Johnny Depp thing is that he already owns a massive, exuberantly landscaped 2.54 acre estate in West Hollywood that includes a 7,430 square foot, 8 bedroom, 10 bathroom house. So why would he need a penthouse downtown?

Your Mama would like to thank Mister Smiley for sending us the TMZ linkage.

UPDATE: Looks like he did in fact buy a penthouse unit for $2,100,000.

Sources: TMZ, Curbed LA

Paris' Party Pad

SELLER: Paris Hilton
LOCATION: N. Kings Road, West Hollywood, CA
PRICE: $4,250,000
SIZE: 2,707 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This is a very special celebrity owned home. The exterior is an old world Spanish designed in the 20's. The interior is designed in French Regency old Hollywood Glamour style. This home is perfect for entertaining. Great indoor outdoor flow make it perfect for California living. This home features 4 Bedrooms although one was converted to the ultimate closet. There is a separate guest quarters as well as a separate office. Speakers throughout. Please be prepared for a pre screening process.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now that the Wall Street Journal has confirmed the deafening rumors that have been swirling about Paris "Pokey" Hilton putting her Hollywood Hills house on the market, a listing has finally been popped up onto the world wide web, and Your Mama has a few snaps for you here.

Although she may not be responsible for the paps collecting outside her home on a daily basis, we're quite certain Pokey's West Hollywood neighbors are popping open bottles of bubbly all up and down N. Kings Road now that she's put her party pad on the market for a hefty asking price of $4,250,000.

Remarkably, Your Mama has never been invited to one of the many parties at Pokey's house, so we can not verify whether the garage has indeed been turned into a large dressing closet or if there's really a stripper pole in the lounge, as we've been told by more than one of our readers.

Given that Aaron Kamin's house directly across the street is on the market for $2,099,000, the asking prices of Pokey's place might just be a wee bit optimistic. However, if anyone has a chance at selling their house for more than it's worth, it would be Pokey, the gurl with the Midas touch.

Vera Wang Swapping Park Avenue Apartments

SELLER: Vera Wang and Arthur Becker
LOCATION: 778 Park Avenue, New York, NY
PRICE: $35,000,000 (monthly maintenance / $10,717)
SIZE: 6,000 square feet (approx.), 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms (plus two staff bedrooms and 1 staff bathroom)
DESCRIPTION: (shortened from listing agent's website) ...The entire apartment reflects conservative elegance including the entry hall that was specifically designed to greet a visitor with a full sense of home. The design and scale of each of the rooms define luxury that is hard to equarl. The living room, dining room and library with wood burning fireplaces face Park Avenue. The corner master bedroom, with sitting room, features a bath with double sink, marble tub and shower. Each of the other four bedrooms has bath en suite. Presently configured with two staff bedrooms. The modern chef's kitchen has granite countertops, Gaggenau stainless steel stove, two Miele dishwashers and a U-line wine cooler...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Last week the NY Post's impossibly well connected celebrity real estate columnist Braden Keil told the world about the recent real estate doings of stitch bitch Vera Wang, the famous fashionista who designs freakishly expensive wedding dresses for the rich, the famous, and all those merely well to do young ladies who want to appear rich and famous on their wedding day.

Honestly children, Your Mama thinks it's obscene that anyone, regardless of the size of their bank account, would spend well upwards of $10,000 on a big white dress that will be worn only one time. One time! People in this country go without food and health care while stinking rich Bridezillas walk down the aisle in dresses that cost almost as much as a Mazda? Please. But that's another gripe for another day.

Keil wrote that Miz Wang and her family were moving from their large, full floor apartment at super exclusive 778 Park Avenue, and into an even larger duplex at the even more exclusive 740 Park Avenue. However, Miz Wang did not have to jump through the normal financial hoops that are required in order for the average super rich buyer to pass the notoriously fussy board at 740 Park. Instead she sneaked in the back door, so to speak, having inherited her massive 10th and 11th floor duplex from her pharmaceutical tycoon father, who kicked it in September of 2006, may he rest in peace.

More information about 740 Park Avenue and it's roster of super rich residents can be found at the website author Michael Gross set up to work in tandem with his book, called 740 Park, that recounts the fascinating history of the building and walks readers through the who's who of the vastly wealthy and enormously powerful occupants.

Now, let's go back to the sprawling apartment at 778 Park Avenue that Miz Wang and her huzband Arthur Becker, an information technology company CEO, have recently placed on the market at the ear splitting price of $35,000,000. The third floor apartment occupies the entire floor of the building, which means that it might fetch even more money if it were located on a higher floor.

Gaining board approval in a super-luxe building like 778 Park Avenue is not easy. You can't just roll up to the front door in a Bentley and expect the board at 778 to rubber stamp your application. Oh no children, no one at 778 is going to be impressed by your Maybach, your collection of couture, or your entourage of Proenza Schouler clad assistants. Not only does the listing for Miz Wang's apartment state that no mortgages will be tolerated, many of the most exclusive buildings in New York require that potential buyers have 3-5 times the purchase price in liquid assets. LIQUID! Honestly, Your Mama is not sure exactly what 778 Park requires, but you can bet that you have to have FAR more than $35,000,000 in liquid assets just to think about viewing the apartment.

What does Your Mama think about this apartment you might ask? We think it's gorgeous. The layout is well considered and resolved with large, graciously proportioned public rooms and well separated bedrooms. Your Mama is not usually much of an aficionado of the "conservative elegance" school of interior design, but we would be stark raving mad not to recognize or acknowledge that this place has been exquisitely done by Miz Wang's talented team of gay decorators with an subtle and understated sophistication and splendor.

We are particularly impressed by the dining room with it's puse colored walls, an interesting and daring choice of color, and one we approve of and applaud. Your Mama shed a few tears of joy that Miz Wang and her decorators did not fill this room with a gargantuan table for 24 and a ridiculously elaborate and unnecessarily glitzy crystal chandelier. So while the room is enormous, a sense and scale of intimacy has been well achieved.

There are however three beefs we have with this apartment. Number one: the low ceilings. While we are quite certain the ceilings are higher than in most homes and apartments, but we would have appreciated another foot up there to give the rooms a slightly more grand feeling.

Number two: the funereal drapes in the main salon. We know this sort of elaborately draped window covering is customary in traditionally designed interiors, but we are not digging them at all. We would prefer to see a simpler sort of swag without an over-done valance.

And number three: Your Mama would not dream of paying upwards of $30,000,000 for an apartment with no outdoor space. For this amount of money we require at least a small terrace on which to store the Hibachi and read the newspaper. And yes, we do actually read the newspaper, thank you very much.

We would also like to note the staff suite. Of course Your Mama would sooner live in a cardboard box than have staff people living up in our house and knowing all our bizness, but we do appreciate the reasonably sized staff suite which includes a sitting room, something few rich people think to provide their live in staff.

At $35,000,000 there are precious few potential buyers for this apartment, but given the meticulous renovation and upkeep, we imagine this one will find a buyer more quickly than most $35,000,000 apartments.

Sources: NY Post, Michael Gross / 740 Park

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Paris "Pokey" Hilton is Outta There...

The Wall Street Journal reported today that reformed party princess Paris "Pokey" Hilton, who was recently spotted canoodling and smoking pot with schkeevee musician Cisco Adler, has put her house on the market for a whopping $4,250,000. Miss Hilton purchased the house on N. Kings Road in West Hollywood (pictured above) in 2004 for a reported price of about $2,900,000, presumably with money she earned from The Simple Life.

The ex-convict is currently shacked up at a dee-luxe ocean front rental on Malibu Road in, well, in Malee-boo of course. In the Wall Street Journal report, Hilton's aunt and unofficial spokesperson talked about how Pokey wants to move to a gated community, or at least a house with a long driveway, that will provide her more privacy and security than her current house, which sits right up on the street.

The Kings Road house was built with four bedrooms, but the report says that one of the bedrooms was converted to a large walk in closet–natch–and a second bedroom was converted to a security control room. A security control room? What in the world is that? Is that a safe room, or is that a room with a lot of close circuit television monitors that allow Pokey to see all corners of her property?

After moving in she redecorated the place with all sorts of 1940s glamour and glitz that makes Your Mama a little nervous. Check out The Gilded Moose's architectural review of the property which includes some slick and disturbing photos.

Your Mama scoured the world wide web, but we've yet to locate a listing. We imagine the information and photos will be tightly held by her real estate broker uncle Mauricio Umansky who has listed the house for sale. So any of you real estate agents who get a hold of the listing and want to pass it along to Your Mama, bring it on children.

Source: Wall Street Journal, The Gilded Moose, US Magazine
Photo: Pacific Coast News

TomKat Buys ANOTHER House?

A recent report claims the vertically challenged uber-Scientologist Tom Cruise and his mousy mommy-wife, the one-time actress Katie Holmes, have purchased yet another home, this time in the super plush seaside town of Montecito, CA. Only they didn't actually buy a house, but rather a vacant and controversial piece of land where actor Rob Lowe and his wifey Sheryl hoped to build a mammoth mansion.

Your Mama has not been able to independently verify, but according to Celebrity Babylon, the couple paid the Lowes around $3,500,000 to purchase the 3-acre parcel on Picacho Lane. Apparently the Lowes, who were mired in controversy and negative local press because many in the community felt the planned house was out of scale for the posh neighborhood, managed to settle the disagreements and obtain the necessary permits, because the land has been cleared and prepared for building.

The Crooz clan will have plenty of high profile neighbors with whom they can freely frolic and hang at the polo grounds. Not only do Rob Lowe and the missus have a couple other houses in the area, neighbors include Ellen Degeneres and her lady lover Portia Di Rossi (recently on the market for $24,000,000), Carol Burnett, comedian Dennis Miller, the inestimable Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and of course the queen of the heap, Oprah Winfrey who famously paid $50,000,000 for her 40 acre, 23,000 square foot hous.

Sources: Celebrity Babylon, Montecito Journal, Planetizen

Fleur De Lys Photographs of the Day (Part 6)

Previously we discussed the public rooms of Fleur De Lys, including the Entrance Hall, the Silver Sitting Room, the Library and Rosegold Music Salon, the Formal Dining Room, Main Kitchen, the vaguely Medieval themed Wine Tasting Room, the funereal Screening Room, and the public room to end all public rooms, the Ballroom.

Today we go up the grand staircase to bring the children a few photographs of the private quarters of Miz Suzanne Saperstein, the owner of Fleur De Lys who has dumped her upsettingly large house on the market recently for $125,000,000, and who we have been told has a mouth like a Texas truck driver.

At the top we have the master bedroom, a room in which Your Mama could not even think of laying down to sleep without the aid of a blackout sleep mask, a high potency nerve pill, and a double dose of a powerful sleeping pill. With all due respect to the filthy rich and dee-vorced lady of this house, but Miz Saperstein, you can not really think that a gentleman suitor would want, or even be able to perform the dirty deed in a room this ornately female that includes several professionally posed photographs of your children flanking the bed.

At the lower right we see the lady's master bathroom, which has Your Mama constipated just looking at the photograph. Do we even need to discuss the back up and drama that would surely ensue if we needed to actually utilize the facilities in this bathroom?

Additionally, but not pictured, the master suite includes a sitting room with attached powder room, a kitchenette so that coffee and hot cross buns do not go cold en route from the main kitchen, a gentleman's bath and cabinet (dressing room), and of course, extensive closets for the lady, because you know, of course, that fashion mad Miz Suzanne Saperstein is one of largest consumers of high priced haute couture, a rarefied clothing world where an evening dress can easily top $50,000.

The lower left photo shows a sitting room, which we are told is a private family sitting room located on the main floor of the home. The glitzy and trashy 24 carat gold gilded moldings and accent motif has been continued here, but the overall design program here is decidedly more restrained than what we've seen in the public room. Finally, FINALLY!! we see some furniture that is actually meant to be sat upon. Please note the series of nude lady paintings on either side of the fireplace. We would find this bit of eccentricity interesting and whimsical, except somehow Your Mama is quite certain that not even a shred of irony was in play when these paintings were selected and hung.

UPDATE: Britney Spears

We know there is a lot of chatter and speculation about there that the famous and real estate fickle Britney Spears has purchased the Pacific Palisades house that was once owned by actor Ray Liotta (pictured above).

Well kids, Your Mama spoke with the rocket scientist listing agent for the house, and she kindly, sweetly, and thoughtfully informed Your Mama that there is "no deal" and the house is still 100% available. And you know what? We believe her.

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Ellen Degeneres: Property Maven

BUYER: Adrian Bellani
SELLER: Ellen Degeneres
LOCATION: Woodrow Wilson Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,995,000
SIZE: 2,267 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located on prestigious Woodrow Wilson Drive. The spacious, loft-life living/dining area features 20tf. ceilings, fireplace, sleek kitchen, hardwood floors & expansive windows that overlook the lush landscaping. Oversized sliding galss pocket doors open to a flat grassy yard. Master bedroom has a deck, walk-in closet & beatuiful bathroom opening onto another deck. There are 2 additional bedrooms, video security system & attached garage. Serenity & privacy yet minutes away from the Sunset Strip.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Before Ellen Degeneres bought up the properties that comprise her current Zorada Drive compound in the Hollywood Hills, she purchased another cluster of four houses that hugged the hills along Woodrow Wilson Drive and Woodstock Road above Laurel Canyon. She's unloaded two of those houses, including selling one of the properties, dubbed "The Treehouse," in June 2006 to Brokeback Mountain actor Heath Ledger and his blond, mousy wife Michelle Williams for $2,300,023.

Your Mama can barely keep up with the number of properties that residential real estate mogul currently owns, has on the market, recently purchased, or recently sold. With all the buying, selling, renovating, and decorating, it's a miracle the lesbian lady has the time to host her Emmy winning talk show.

Purchased in April of 2004 for an undisclosed sum of money, Miz Degeneres was said to have purchased this property–along with two others on Woodrow Wilson Drive–because it overlooked her primary residence on Woodstock Road. In the pre-Portia days, Your Mama remembers hearing grapevine gossip (gossip children, only gossip) that Miz Degeneres moved her ex-ladyfriend out of the Woodstock Road house and into one of the houses along Woodrow Wilson, possibly this one. Now, we have no idea if that's true or not, so don't go repeating that information as if it's the gospel.

Anyhoo, we see that this modestly sized house is every bit as well renovated and furnished as all the other Degeneres properties. Your Mama confesses: we are a sucker for a property that has been worked over by Miz Degeneres and her team of architects, designers, and gay interior decorators. We can't help but swoon over soaring ceilings, tall gallery white walls, a lovely art collection, and carefully chosen and sparsely placed furniture that successfully straddles the fine line between contemporary and warm.

The white box living room, with it's sky high ceiling, functions almost like a huge porch with a wall of windows on one side that overlooks the canyon, and a sliding wall of glass on the other that opens the house to a courtyard. The courtyard has been meticulously but simply landscaped to include an old-school cement dining patio and a small, well tended patch of grass. Your Mama would have preferred to see a wee plunge pool wedged into the courtyard, but alas.

In the dining area we find a picnic table which we're quite certain has some sort of pedigree that makes it cost $9,000 or some other large amount of money. It appears that the table top has been fitted with a delicious white Corian. Ya'll can skewer Your Mama for saying so, but we like the informality and social dynamic of a picnic table, and it warms the cockles of our cold heart to see a picnic table used so cleverly and effectively indoors. Miz Degeneres and her retinue of decorators put an identical picnic table in one of her houses on Zorada Drive, which we also raved over and then received an email box full of scoffs and guffaws about.

Into the kitchen and we find a small and immaculate cooking station that is appointed with butcher block counters, a small Viking range, and a gorgeous glass fronted SubZero refrigerator. We know many people do not like these fancy glass fronted cold boxes because they allow guests to see right into the cluttered shelves and notice the molding left overs that never got eaten. But Your Mama, an aficionado of well ordered and organized pantries and refrigerators, is not afraid. We spend far too much time standing in front of an open refrigerator and in our pantry removing price tags, turning all products face forward, grouping products by type, and tossing out anything that even looks remotely un-fresh. Call us crazy, but any one of you could walk into the pantry of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's beach house and find what you need with almost no effort.

Please note that in the study, a painting that looks suspiciously like a Picasso hangs overs the the settee that is covered in a stunning caramel colored buttery leather. That can't really be a Picasso, can it? Any art history lovers out there want to weigh in on this one?

The back of the house hangs over the canyon and several decks provide quiet spots re-enact scenes from Rapunzel and Romeo and Juliet, or just sit and listen to the whisper of the wind through the eucalyptus trees. Of course, Your Mama would have to wrap those decks in chicken wire to keep keep our 8 pound long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly from accidentally falling over the edges, but even still, we like these dangerous for dogs decks.

In addition to this property, the Miz Degeneres and DiRossi's have placed one of their Zorada Drive houses on the market for $2,300,000.

UPDATE: This property was purchased by soap stud Adrian Bellani (Passions, Guiding Light, RPM Miami) in September 2007 for $1,995,000.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Your Mama Hears...

Yesterday we floated some tidbits about nutty Britney Spears and her recent real estate shenanigans. We still have been unable to obtain full confirmation that her Malee-boo house has sold, but our sources are saying it appears to be true. However, the house still appears "active" on the MLS, which is an indication that the rumors may in fact be just that, rumors.

Regarding her house hunt in Pacific Palisades, Your Mama can confirm that everyone is correct in that she looked at Ray Liotta's old house on Monte Hermoso in Pacific Palisades (pictured above). Twice. But, Your Mama hears from an unimpeachable source that Miz Spears has not moved forward with a the purchase and is "on to something else."

Good grief children, this famous and fickle gurl is going to drive us to sanitarium following her real estate ups and downs.

Photo: PacificCoastNews.com

Fleur De Lys Photographs of the Day (Part 5)

Today we feature two more of the public rooms of Fleur De Lys, the migraine inducing Los Angeles mansion that is owned by billionaire dee-vorcée Suzanne Saperstein. Located in the swanky Holmby Hills and measuring in at a staggering 35,000+ square feet of interior space, the Versailles inspired monstrosity is being offered for sale at the mend bending asking price of $125,000,000.

Although big ass screening rooms are de rigeur in the lavish and more expensive homes throughout Los Angles, we would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that few could so easily double as a funeral parlor the way the Saperstein screening room could. Even with the not so subtle funereal theme, Miz Suzanne Saperstein and her extreme team of decorators have continued the rose color theme which we have previously seen obsessively worked in the Entrance Hall, the Rosegold Music Salon and the Formal Dining Room. Please also note the scary little statuettes. Your Mama is deeply concerned that in a darkened theater a guest could trip and impale themselves on one of these pointed and dangerous figurines on their way to or from a mid-movie terlit dash.

The lower photo shows the massive ballroom, a feature no ridiculously opulent home would dare be without. In this mammoth space one can gather several hundred friends and colleagues for charity balls, poetry readings, and self-congratulation amid 24 carat gold gilded grandiosity and a ceiling mural worthy of one of the better casinos in Las Vegas.

Kathleen Turner Selling Hamptons House

SELLER: Kathleen Turner
LOCATION: Bluff Road, Amagansett, NY
PRICE: $6,995,000
SIZE: 5,000 square feet (approx.), 6 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: (shortened) Historic Bluff Road resident built in 1903 complete with sweeping, unobstructed ocean vistas from every major room...This extraordinary home is a superb example of classic Hamptons living. 6 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, 2 living rooms, den, formal dining room, sunroom, and eat-in kitchen with butler's pantry...Outside you can enjoy the lush, landscaped yard, heated gunite pool, hot tub, pool house and separate three-car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Summer in the city means helicoptering to the Hamptons on steamy Friday afternoons to escape the sweltering urban heat and bask in soft ocean breezes. Of course, it also means running in to all your rich and fancy New York neighbors at obscenely expensive restaurants that require reservations weeks in advance. And ladies, do not forget to pack all your best Jimmy Choos, Tory Burch tunics, and for the gentlemen, a couple of pairs of ironic Lily Pulitzer whale printed pants and white linen shirts. Because if you look shitty, the people will whisper about how bad you look.

One of the few places to escape the near constant summer hubbub and extreme haughtiness of the Hamptons is Amagansett, home to one of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooters' favorite road side seafood shacks and the location of gravel voiced actress Kathleen Turner's Bluff Road weekend house. The good thing about Amagansett is that it's removed from the crush of traffic the Hamptons has become. The bad thing about Amagansett is that in order to get there you have to get through the wall to wall traffic that defines Bridgehampton and East Hampton from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

According to a brief and recent article in New York Magazine, Miz Turner's historic house was first put on the market in 2005 for $8,000,000. This was shortly after she split from her real estate magnate huzband Jay Weiss. Unfortunately for her pocketbook, no one took the plunge at that high price and the house was taken off the market. After a brief hiatus and a substantial price reduction, the house has recently been plopped back on the block at at $6,995,000.

The five bedroom house has 6.5 bathrooms which pretty much means a cleaning gurl must visit the property on a regular basis to scrub down all seven terlits in the house. And if you know anything about what rich Hamptonites complain about, finding good help to scrub the terlits and make the beds can be a real chore.

Miz Turner's house features a couple living rooms and a couple of fireplaces. Both are nice features. But probably the most enviable and valuable feature of the property is the 25+ acre preserve across the street. This scrubby dune-scape ensures the long ocean vistas from the house will not be cluttered and ruined by having to look at one of the 18,000 square foot summer houses that 30 year old hedge fund managers are building all up and down the Montauk Highway.

You Mama hasn't a clue why Miz Turner would want to sell her perfectly lovely, white walled and kick off your sandy shoes casual weekend house, but given that she's a busy Broadway actress lately plying her trade all over the U-nited States in the stage version of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, we imagine she hasn't got two minutes to spend in Amagansett this summer. Or maybe there's just too many marriage memories here that she doesn't want to live with anymore.

Sources: New York Magazine, NNDB, Softpedia,

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Your Mama Hears...

...that peripatetic pop tart Britney Spears has finally unloaded her Malee-boo mansion. This house, located way up in the guard gated Serra Retreat and once the love nest of her and the FedEx, has been a huge Mediterranean style albatross around her desperate to be free neck.

Information is slim, but we first received a strange and vague email from an anonymous tipster this morning, then we got on the horn to one of our peeps in Malee-bee who says that it's being whispered about all up and down Pacific Coast Highway and the rumor is believed to be true. The property was originally priced at $13,500,000 and reduced over time to $11,999,000. We have zero information on who may have purchased or for how much.

One down, one to go.

We also hear that the pink bewigged and soon to be dee-vorced single mommy is once again shopping for a house to call home for her and the tater tots, this time in Pacific Palisades. More to come.

Fleur De Lys Photographs of the Day (Part 4)

In today's installment, we appeal to the gastronomes and gourmands of the world and present two of the several dining rooms of Fleur De Lys, as well as the main kitchen.

On the left we see that Miz Suzanne Saperstein and her army of decorators have continued the pervasive rose and gold color palette that we have previously seen so flagrantly and excessively used in the Entrance Hall and the Rosegold Music Salon. Your Mama is not sure if these photos were taken just before a dinner party, or if Miz Suzanne instructs her dining room staff to keep the table set at all times just in case 20 guests pop by for a formal meal. Serve from the left, clear from the right, please.

Moving on to the photograph at the right, with somewhat restrained decor and Medieval theme. We originally and mistakenly thought this might be the dining room were the household staff congregated to eat their porridge and gruel. But we have been informed this room is actually the wine tasting room. Please note the stair rail in the foreground. We have also been told that on occasion Miz Saperstein has hired minstrels to stand on the staircase and serenade the gathered oenophiles as they taste flights of Chateau Lafite Rothchild, Louis Latour, and Margaux vintages. Whatever. Your Mama thinks this room looks like an upscale Chucky Cheese Pizza Parlor

The bottom photo, which shows a portion of the all stainless steel main kitchen, is a room that we imagine the Sapersteins seldom visited. This is not a kitchen for the casual cook, or even a single cook. Oh no. We see multiple work stations, multiple commercial grade ranges, warming ovens, a deep fryer, a restaurant grade toaster, and against the back wall, a row of stainless kitchen sinks and dishwashers. And do the children notice that even in a $125,000,000 house that the damn microwave oven is sitting on the counter top just like it does in trailer and tract homes across America?

Keyshawn Johnson's Condo at The Californian

SELLER: Keyshawn Johnson
LOCATION: The Californian, 10800 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,595,000
SIZE: 3,280 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sophisticated newest building on Wilshire–The Californian. Stunning celebrity owned, 3 bedroom unit with head on southern exposure, panoramic city to ocean views. Highly upgraded, exciting & hip decor includes hardwood floors, custom closet doors, kitchen counters and cabinets, fireplace wall and much more. Great square footage, great flow, lots of light. Building has all amenities.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Lawhd children, we done wore ourselves out trying to get you the 411 on this apartment. For many, many weeks we have searched, begged, cajoled, and prostrated ourselves looking for ownership information on this apartment. It should have been easy. The listing states it's celebrity owned. But for the life of us we could not get anyone to cough up a name.

Then, finally, like glitter falling from the sky, we got an email from Tommy Tellall, one of our favorite tipsters in the high end world of Los Angeles real estate. So we all have Tommy to thank for floating us the owner's name, which is Keyshawn Johnson.

Well, as you might imagine, Your Mama didn't have a clue who this Keyshawn person is. Turns out he's a very famous footballer who at one time was the highest paid wide receiver in the NFL. In 2000, the dude signed a 6 year, $52,000,000 contract with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Serious money in sports kids, sear-ee-us money. Anyhoo, He must have been worth the big pay off because just a couple years later he went on to help the Buccaneers win the Super Bowl in 2002. In early 2007, as all you sports fans surely know, Mister Keyshawn officially retired, and apparently he's moved on to being some sort of an analyst on the ESPN, whatever that is.

Anywhoo, we're not here to discuss sports, but real estate, so let's set the oblong balls aside and move on to floors, walls, windows, and furniture. For those of you who do not know, The Californian is one of many luxury high rise apartment buildings that line Wilshire Boulevard in Westwood, just South of UCLA and West of the frou frou Little Holmby neighborhood. For those of you who don't already know, Little Holmby lays claim to two of the most famous houses in Los Angeles, the Playboy Mansion on Charing Cross Road and the obscenely large Spelling mansion on S. Mapleton Drive.

The Californian is one of the newest additions to the Westwood skyline, and the developer's did a most excellent job creating a strong and loud buzz on the building. However, if you ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, the exterior of the building is shockingly ordinary and looks like some sort of middle brow hotel or retirement tower in the northern section of Miami. But of course, the building's interior finishes and long list of services belies it's geriatric exterior and offers extensive and lavish amenities and white glove service.

Not so long ago there was a certain stigma attached to living in a condominium in Los Angeles. Rightly or wrongly, it indicated you were old or had fallen on hard times and could no longer afford the upkeep on the big Bev Hills or Bel Air estate. This negative association no longer exists and it's really quite chic to forgo the trouble and expense of a massive estate in exchange for a more practical, no fuss lifestyle. Just look at the popularity of the Sierra Towers, and of course, look at the sky high cost of the apartments in The Californian, which are not priced for anyone but the considerably wealthy.

Mister Keyshawn's unit occupies a corner of the seventh floor, and according to the listing has views from downtown all the way to the Ocean. hard to believe you can see all that from the seventh floor, but much of Los Angeles is FLAT so you don't have to be that high to be able to see that far.

The unit was clearly decorated by someone familiar with the Holly Hunt school of interior design, where we get clean modern lines that vaguely reference high design from the 1940s, sumptuous fabrics, and a mostly monochromatic color scheme.

Even though the color scheme here is mostly beige/buff, we happen to like this apartment. Ordinarily we are drawn to spaces that have interesting color choices, quirky personal items, and a considered but haphazard collection of furniture. But there is a soothing open feel to this condo that works on calming our too often frazzled nerves. Naturally we love the ebonized floors and think they look most excellent against the zebra wood wall/buffet in the dining area. We're not so keen on the frosted glass cabinet doors, but recognize the need for linen storage. Your Mama would have liked to see the zebra wood veneer continued on these sliding cabinet doors which would have create a more strict and unified facade.

The upgraded kitchen is good, and we L.O.V.E. the Carrara marble counter tops. What can not be seen in this photo is the wall of windows to the left which provide ample light and views. We do wonder if it would have been possible to move the sink over to the island so that when the maid was washing dishes she would be able to stare dreamily out at the view. Given that Your Mama has stacks of rocks all over our house at the beach, we can't help but appreciate the gray pebbles that bring a teeny tiny bit of nature into a totally unnatural location. It's a little cheesy, but we're giving them a pass because we like rocks. A lot.

We are also digging the floor to ceiling glass walls that extend the view and allow the small wrap terrace to become part of the visual living space. We are deeply grateful the decorator chose simple shade screens to block sunlight and provide privacy rather than clutter the glazing and view with acres of fabric.

We appreciate the effort of a room divider to help define space in an otherwise open, loft plan room. However, we are not digging this room divider at all. Honestly, it looks like something one could expect to see in an office building, not a private home. And we have no doubt that our mother in law Marilyn would run smack into that thing after a couple glasses of wine. So in the interest of safety, it would have to be hauled to the dump.

It was Your Mama's understanding that this unit was recently very close to being sold. We're not sure whether the buyer backed out or if Mister Keyshawn Johnson decided not to sell, but the unit has been officially taken off the market...although we suspect it is still quietly available. Anyone got the poop on that?

But that is no matter to anyone who might bee interested in buying a condominium at The Californian. There are currently many units on the market in the building, including the one next door ($3,550,000) to Mister Keyshwan Johnson's, and the unit directly above ($3,795,000). So if you like this place, call your agent quick to get you over to the Californian. And be sure your agent picks you up in her Rolls Royce, the only way to do real estate bizness in Los Angeles.